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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24591106">only a matter of time</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/civillove/pseuds/civillove'>civillove</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Glee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Season Rewrite</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:33:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>25,734</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24591106</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/civillove/pseuds/civillove</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kurt leaves for New York, Blaine struggles to maintain a connection that’s slipping through his fingers. If that isn’t enough, Sebastian Smythe pops back up into his life wanting to rebuild a broken friendship. Can Blaine navigate a balance of old feelings and conflicting relationships or is it only a matter of time before something implodes?<br/>--<br/>Blaine knew that change was inevitable, no matter how sure something felt. It’s not that it scares him because time moves forward regardless if you’re worried about it or not. He’s not actively pushing it away, or anything, he just supposes he’s not ready to embrace it.</p>
<p>It happens so gradually that Blaine doesn’t realize what’s going on until it’s too late.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>124</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>225</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. entire ocean in a jar</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Man oh man, it's finally here! Posting this thing. I'm so excited to share all of this with you; part of me just wanted to share a chapter fic again to see if I could do it. I hope you enjoy! This is basically a rewrite of season 4 elements with Blaine feeling less alone and a redemption arc for Sebastian</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <strong>Chapter 1: entire ocean in a jar</strong>
</p>
<p>Blaine knew that change was inevitable, no matter how sure something felt. It’s not that it scares him because time moves forward regardless if you’re worried about it or not. He’s not actively pushing it away, or anything, he just supposes he’s not ready to <em>embrace </em>it.</p>
<p>It happens so gradually that Blaine doesn’t realize what’s going on until it’s too late.</p>
<p>Kurt moves to New York; he settles into his new loft with Rachel and his new life at NYADA. He goes to his classes and auditions and makes new friends and it’s beyond infectious hearing his boyfriend talk about everything that’s keeping him busy. Blaine listens spread out on his bedspread, a ball of nervous excitement winding in his ribcage at the prospect of doing this all with Kurt when he moves out there next year. And yet, at the same time, he also feels like <em>something </em>is slipping through his fingers even though he’s not sure where that’s coming from.</p>
<p>He’s not missing anything, Kurt’s keeping him informed and Blaine will get to do this all for the first time when he moves to New York too. Even though there’s this voice in the back of his mind that tells him <em>you’re too late. </em></p>
<p>Blaine thinks he should have known the feeling of distance coming; he tried to practice for it when Kurt was still attending McKinley but somehow all his preparation means absolutely nothing. It doesn’t bother him at first because Kurt is slammed with school, auditions, and a new social life. So when he tells him that he’s been nominated the ‘New Rachel’ or that he won student body President, the digging under his skin is somewhat unnoticeable when Kurt says,</p>
<p>“Uh huh, that’s great Blaine.” With a voice that sounds <em>anything </em>but excited or proud of him.</p>
<p>Sam clamps a hand down on his shoulder when he’s standing at his locker too long and says, “Tell him again when he’s not running around, I’m sure that’s all it was.”</p>
<p>But Blaine bites down on a deep seeded fear that rears its ugly head behind his ribcage, “I don’t know where I fit in his life anymore.”</p>
<p>Sam frowns and hugs him and they <em>both </em>get a slushie shower in the midst of that but at least the pent-up nervous energy in his throat makes him laugh about it instead of cry.</p>
<p>He tries to wait for another moment to share things with Kurt, things that are happening in his life and that <em>matter </em>even though his boyfriend is making them feel small and insignificant. The only time Kurt seems to be genuinely excited is when he’s talking about himself; a part that he got or a class that he’s taking or <em>you’ll never believe what Rachel’s done now—</em></p>
<p>And it’s not that Blaine doesn’t care about that stuff, he does, he loves Kurt and Rachel and wants them to be happy. But it’s starting to feel like he’s encouraging their happiness for the sake of his own, <em>instead</em> of his own.</p>
<p>It makes him wonder has it <em>always </em>been like this and he just hasn’t seen it?</p>
<p>Blaine tries to talk to Kurt about it, he really does, because he’s not about to be passive aggressive when a good conversation is all they need to clear the air. The problem is that Kurt doesn’t have <em>time, </em>he’s always too <em>busy </em>and Blaine’s blood is starting to boil over that concept because this <em>matters </em>and isn’t Kurt feeling this way too with the distance?</p>
<p>Doesn’t he sense that something is seriously wrong?</p>
<p>Blaine understands being busy, he’s joined twenty-three clubs and yet has <em>still </em>managed to be there when Kurt needs to talk to him. He supposes that any conversation they have will be moot at this point because it’s like they place their promises on a bed of sand that just washes away with the next wave. There’s an itching underneath his skin to hop on a bus to New York and confront him in person but he knows he can’t do that—he can’t sacrifice school and his place in the New Directions just because Kurt won’t pick up the phone.</p>
<p>Sometimes he feels like he’s trying to gather the entire ocean in a jar, a ridiculous feat that somehow feels doable because what else is he supposed to do? Just wait for Kurt to tell him that this isn’t working and that they should break up?</p>
<p>He has to give this absolutely everything because if it should come to that, breaking up, he doesn’t want any ‘what ifs’ sitting like lead in his bones.</p>
<p><strong>Blaine Anderson (12:45 PM)</strong>: Can we please talk? It’s important.</p>
<p>So he’s settled on texting because at least it feels like they’re getting somewhere, even at a snail’s pace.</p>
<p><strong>Kurt Hummel (2:00 PM)</strong>: Yeah, sure. What’s up?</p>
<p><strong>Blaine Anderson (2:05 PM):</strong> I know that you’re busy and that you’ve got a million things going on. You know I’m happy for you right? But I can’t help but feel like I’m losing you.</p>
<p><strong>Blaine Anderson (2:06 PM):</strong> We used to Skype and talk for hours all the time and now I feel like I have to schedule in a part of your day that works for you. Except none of it works. Aren’t you curious at all to what I’m up to?</p>
<p>Blaine runs his thumb over the messages that have gone unanswered, biting down on the inside of his cheek. He forces himself to put his phone in his satchel so he doesn’t send at least four more clarifying text messages. The last thing he wants to do is be obnoxiously clingy, or worse <em>apologize, </em>because he doesn’t have to be sorry about anything. His knee-jerk reaction is to always say he’s sorry for his feelings but why? Why should he apologize for saying how he feels? For letting Kurt know that he’s hurting him; purposely or not.</p>
<p>Part of him wants to travel on the road of least resistance but he knows he’ll just be unhappier that way—never voicing how much it seems like Kurt’s phasing him out of his life.</p>
<p>Blaine pinches the bridge of his nose, turning the cup of coffee he’s nursing in his hand a moment as he tries to come up with another plan of what to do. He knows it’s best to let it sit and have Kurt acknowledge what he’s already said. So maybe he should actually get some homework done or pick a club to give his focus to.</p>
<p>“I never thought these words would come out of my mouth but, you look terrible.”</p>
<p>He lets out a long sigh because he <em>knows </em>that voice. Knows it and wants nothing to do with it, letting his hand fall from his face as he looks up at Sebastian Smythe who is holding his own cup of coffee. He’s wandered over to the set of lounge chairs Blaine frequents in the Lima Bean, his one hand in the pocket of his grey suit pants. He’s not wearing his Dalton blazer today, the weather probably a bit too warm for it, so the sleeves of his white button-down are rolled up to his elbows.</p>
<p>Blaine bites down on the tip of his tongue so he doesn’t say something hurtful about how Sebastian practically haunts this place. He knows, just from when they used to talk, that Sebastian prefers doing his homework here instead of his own home. Blaine never pried but he gets the impression that Sebastian’s home life isn’t great, isn’t warm or welcoming, so he’d rather sit in a busy café than alone at his kitchen counter.</p>
<p>“I have a headache and you’re not helping.” He says, hopes that it’s enough of a hint that Sebastian leaves him alone.</p>
<p>The taller raises an eyebrow and motions around the room, “Hate to break it to you, Killer, but this isn’t the best place to be if your head is pounding.” His eyes graze over Blaine quickly but it’s not something that makes him feel uncomfortable; he’s appraising, not checking him out.</p>
<p>He seems genuinely concerned but that feels like a big, fat <em>trap. </em>Sebastian doesn’t care about anyone but himself and Blaine doesn’t trust him, even if he attempted to make amends about the whole slushie thing.</p>
<p>“There’s a picnic table out behind the Lima Bean; it’s quiet, I can show you? With your luck it’s probably empty.”</p>
<p>“Like I’d go anywhere with you.” Blaine says quickly, his voice wrapped in barbed wire. He regrets the words almost as soon as they leave his mouth because despite the fact that him and Sebastian aren’t on the best of terms, he doesn’t mean to be unkind.</p>
<p>That’s not who Blaine is. He’s just…upset about Kurt and feeling lonely and miserable and Sebastian’s the <em>last </em>person he wants to see because they both know there’s something that doesn’t make sense between them. A spark-worthy push and pull capable of catching fire.</p>
<p>If his comment bothers Sebastian, it doesn’t show but that doesn’t surprise Blaine either. Sebastian is incredibly good at keeping his emotions close to his chest; he doesn’t let others see how he feels. It’s a defense mechanism, for sure, but he never took the time trying to figure out why he does it. They used to talk rather frequently before the slushie incident; mostly about their show choir groups but any time Blaine would take a step in the direction of knowing who Sebastian was under the mask, he’d close up like a clam.</p>
<p>He likes hiding behind careful smirks and sharp teeth; maybe that’s why Blaine feels a certain attraction to him in the first place. Because he’s not like he seems.</p>
<p>The taller offers a small smile, mischief working the green in his eyes because if this were anyone other than Blaine who said that to him, he’d be snapping back with something equally venomous.</p>
<p>“Fair enough. See you around, Anderson.” He tips his coffee to him and turns, starting to walk away and Blaine knows he should let him go.</p>
<p>But something jerks in his stomach, an inability to let something sour sit between them, and the words quickly crawl out of his throat, “Your hair is longer.”</p>
<p>Sebastian pauses and runs a hand through his locks absently as he looks at him because, yes, it is. It’s swooped back with a gentle hint of gel and it’s…not exactly unattractive, it’s just different. But there must be something on his face that says otherwise because a soft laugh slips out of the taller’s throat,</p>
<p>“You don’t like it.”</p>
<p>Blaine blinks, “I didn’t say that.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to say it, your face is.” He smirks, hints of amusement wrapping around his syllables. “The kind and tolerant Blaine Anderson is making a judgement call about my hair? For shame, someone’s gonna write this down in the Lima Chronicles.”</p>
<p>Blaine rolls his eyes but there’s a hint of a laugh pulling up the corners of his mouth. And he should have known at that very moment that when Sebastian made him smile that it’d break the ice between them forever. </p>
<p>He stands and puts his satchel over his shoulder, grabbing his cup of coffee before he motions to the exit. “Can you show me this table?”</p>
<p>Sebastian hums before he nods, opening the door for him when they get there and step outside.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Blaine feels tension begin to wind off his shoulders as they approach a picnic table behind the Lima Bean. It’s probably for employees on their smoke break but its wonderfully empty when Blaine goes to straddle one of the bench seats and takes a deep breath of a soft breeze making its way through a tree nearby. Sebastian hovers for a moment, like he’s not sure whether Blaine wants him to sit or not, and he finds himself absorbing the uncertainty.</p>
<p>It’s rare to see Sebastian not take something just because he wants it and there’s a sensation that feels like home fluttering against his ribcage as he ponders <em>what if he’s changed? </em>But he’s too afraid to linger on that question for long. He nods his head gently, allowing Sebastian to take the bench seat across from him, watching as he undoes his red and blue striped tie so it sits looser around his neck.</p>
<p>Blaine licks his lips, taking the lid off his coffee that’s gone cold but he still sips it. “The Warblers treating you well?”</p>
<p>Sebastian nods, drumming his fingers on the picnic table. “There’s this new kid, Hunter, who’s fighting me for co-captain. He’s insufferable.”</p>
<p>A gentle smile quirks the corner of his mouth, “Sounds like someone I know.”</p>
<p>“Was that a <em>joke, </em>Blaine Anderson?” He teases, leaning forward a little against the coffee table.</p>
<p>“Probably,” He looks into his cup and spins it gently to collect remnants of caramel syrup that have sunk to the bottom, “Or it’s just nice seeing karma work its magic. You having problems maintaining a captain status with the Warblers couldn’t have happened to a nicer person.”</p>
<p>Sebastian smiles, not off put by Blaine’s commentary…which is somehow refreshing within itself. Sometimes when he’s on the phone with Kurt he feels like he has to give a warning before he teases his boyfriend. He shakes the thought out of his head instantly; the last thing he’s going to do is start comparing the two of them, even with something as simple as having a conversation.</p>
<p>“I know what I’m doing,” The taller says and takes his lid off his coffee cup too.</p>
<p>Blaine understands that knee-jerk reaction to say something like that when it comes to the Warblers. He remembers giving the same line to Kurt when Finn wouldn’t stop looking at him like the enemy when he joined the New Directions. It didn’t distract from the fact that he <em>did </em>know what he was doing and he has a feeling that Sebastian’s a decent leader for the Warblers as long as…</p>
<p>“Not above playing dirty?” Blaine asks because he can’t help himself, the buried hurt from the betrayal still there after all this time. Will Sebastian take equal steps to make sure nothing gets in his way when it comes to Hunter?</p>
<p>Something flickers over Sebastian’s face but it’s gone as soon as it appears. He clears his throat and looks down into his coffee like it holds the secrets of the universe, not meeting Blaine’s eyes as he tells him,</p>
<p>“No, I don’t do stuff like that anymore.”</p>
<p>A few minutes of silence past between them but it’s not exactly uncomfortable and it takes Blaine the same amount of time to realize that, for whatever reason, he believes him. He nods his head gently and rubs the back of his neck, wanting another cup of coffee but not wanting to get up and order it either.</p>
<p>“And the New Directions?” Sebastian shifts the topic slightly, “Who’s the strongest lead other than you? What about that blonde dude with the big mouth; he play for our team, or what?”</p>
<p>The question is innocent enough and Blaine knows that but for some reason it strikes a chord that’s painful. Suddenly reality crashes down onto his shoulders like a bucket of ice water as he realizes who he’s talking to and what they’re talking about.</p>
<p>“What are you…are you trying to get a leg up in the competition or what?”</p>
<p>Sebastian’s eyebrows crinkle together, “No? I mean—good idea, but I was just asking.”</p>
<p>Blaine scoffs out a sound, his hands beginning to shake a little. “Right, I’m just supposed to sit here and believe that we’re talking like—”</p>
<p>He clamps down on the word and Sebastian’s eyes bore into his, a moss shade with the greenery around him. “Go head, say it. Won’t kill you.”</p>
<p>“<em>Friends.” </em>Blaine nearly spits, the word tastes like acid in his mouth because that’s the last thing that they are. They can’t be. He hasn’t talked to Sebastian through phone or text in so long—even after the slushie incident and he apologized, he wouldn’t acknowledge anything that made his phone ping.</p>
<p>The messages weren’t anything obscene, they were a desperate attempt to return to normal that Blaine ignored until they stopped altogether. And he doesn’t know why he’s thinking about this now because he actually finds himself <em>missing it; </em>the moments where he and Sebastian used to pass time by talking about nothing.</p>
<p>How comfortable he felt in his own skin, how desperate he wants to feel like that now.</p>
<p>“Would that be so terrible?” Sebastian presses, leaning back a little. “I want us to be friends.”</p>
<p>Blaine laughs but the sound is choked and sarcastic, “You don’t know the first thing about being someone’s friend, Sebastian.”</p>
<p>And maybe he’s having such a visceral reaction to this because…they were never really <em>friends, </em>were they? Not really. He remembers telling Kurt when he was texting Sebastian that he barely liked him as a person, forget something deeper—but Blaine knows how untrue that is. He likes how Sebastian makes him feel, even now, and that’s a dangerous prospect.</p>
<p>Blaine knows, distantly, that Sebastian had a hidden agenda—that he wanted to take something from another boy like Blaine was a shiny toy. But even so, Sebastian has this way of <em>seeing </em>him that no one else does, not even Kurt. He recognizes his talent and admires him for it, encourages him to embrace what makes him stand out.</p>
<p>
  <em>You don’t know what it’s like being your boyfriend. You are the alpha gay, even Rachel wanted to make out with you. </em>
</p>
<p>Sebastian isn’t threatened by who he is.</p>
<p>
  <em>I used to get solos every week and do you know how many times I’ve had to sit on a stool and watch you perform?</em>
</p>
<p>Even now after all this time, those words still sting to think about. He remembers telling Kurt to talk to him when he was unhappy but he’s still unsure how they’re supposed to address that, how they’re supposed to fix <em>that—</em>it’s who Blaine <em>is. </em></p>
<p>And as his phone sits in his satchel with unanswered text messages, he wonders if this is the root of the problem. That maybe Kurt was never happy with their relationship because he likes the idea of who he is as a boyfriend but not Blaine himself.</p>
<p>He suddenly feels sick sitting out underneath this sun, running a hand over his forehead and wiping away a sheen of sweat. Sebastian shifts in his seat across from him, his comment about friendship sitting stale in the warm air.</p>
<p>“Yeah but you do,” The taller says, “You know how to be a great friend and I…promise, that’s all I want.”</p>
<p>Blaine swallows down bile building up in the back of his throat, trying to rework this conversation in his mind. “And I’m supposed to believe you?”</p>
<p>Sebastian’s jaw works and Blaine wonders if he keeps pressing if he’ll give up, “No, but I want to earn your trust back.”</p>
<p>He watches him for a long moment, trying to will words into his mouth that convey any of the emotions that he’s feeling. Sebastian doesn’t deserve a second chance, not really, not after trying to <em>blind </em>him but…</p>
<p>Refusing his friendship gets stuck in his throat because he finds himself thinking about how often he’s seen Sebastian sitting at a corner table in the Lima Bean trying to get classwork done. He thinks about those bright green eyes and a mask glued into place, empty smirks and hollow words and realizes how <em>lonely </em>he really is.</p>
<p>Maybe he’s as lonely as Blaine feels, a moment where they appear to be the exact same person slipping warmly into his veins. At his very core, he wants to be friends with Sebastian again, no matter how many reasons and consequences says that he shouldn’t.</p>
<p>But maybe for once he should do something <em>for himself. </em></p>
<p>So he pushes his cup towards him on the picnic table and says, “Fine, then you can get me another refill.”</p>
<p>Sebastian smirks and stands up, taking his cup with him. Blaine opens his mouth to tell him what he wants but the taller gently waves him off, “I remember what you like.” And goes to walk back inside the Lima Bean.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Kurt doesn’t text Blaine back for a few days and he finds himself quickly losing steam with this conversation even as he stares at a blinking cursor, waiting for him to type something.</p>
<p><strong>Kurt Hummel (3:33 PM):</strong> I think you’re being a little ridiculous, Blaine. We just Skyped last week and text every morning. Of course I want to know what you’re up to but I have stuff going on too. Don’t you sense how selfish you’re being?</p>
<p>The last question alone feels like someone’s punched a hole in his chest and he has to tell himself a few times that he’s <em>not </em>being selfish, even though Kurt is trying to make it out like he is. Why is it selfish of him to have feelings? To let his boyfriend know that he’s hurting him by being so distant? Kurt doesn’t have to agree with them but he should <em>at least </em>acknowledge that his emotions are valid.</p>
<p>Is that really too much to ask?</p>
<p>The blinking cursor begins to mock him the longer he doesn’t know what to say; anything at this point feels useless. Kurt will somehow turn his words against him and say he’s being passive aggressive, which, maybe he <em>would </em>be. But what’s the point in continuing this conversation when it feels like they’re both losing?</p>
<p>This is also why he wanted to talk about this on a video call because he thinks that something is being lost in translation, the words somehow harsher typed out than being said. Or at least that’s how he wants to think it is.</p>
<p>He rolls his tongue against his back teeth and types out a message a few times only to delete it. Nothing sounds or feels right. He closes his eyes and lets out a long sigh, running a hand over his face before he picks up his cup of coffee to take a long sip. Another trip to the Lima Bean to get work done and it’s overrun by this non-argument argument that he’s having with Kurt.</p>
<p>Blaine taps the screen of his phone awake, wondering distantly if he should send a screenshot to Sam to ask advice for what he should even <em>begin </em>to say when he notices a flash of navy blue and bright red brush past the outside of his vision.</p>
<p>He looks up, eyes following the long lines of the familiar Dalton uniform, settling on broad shoulders and—</p>
<p>Wait, he knows who that is. Sebastian glances over his shoulder as if he senses his gaze on him, offering a small wave with his trademark smirk as he picks up his coffee from the barista and walks over to him. Blaine feels a smile take up the lower half of his face because he can’t help it, his gaze brushing over the top of his head,</p>
<p>“You cut your hair.”</p>
<p>Sebastian runs his fingers through his short trim, mirroring how his hair used to be when he first met him but slightly different. It’s not as styled but handsomely coifed near his forehead, almost windswept. It makes Blaine yearn for the days he didn’t use so much gel in his hair and…maybe this is the perfect opportunity to stop doing that.</p>
<p>“I did,” He muses, taking a seat at Blaine’s table. He sets his satchel down on a spare chair before he pulls out his laptop to get some work done, “Some guy that I ran into practically made fun of me on the spot.”</p>
<p>A soft laugh leaves Blaine’s lips as he sets his phone down on the table. “I did no such thing.”</p>
<p>Sebastian raises his eyebrows, taking a textbook out next to set on his lap. “I’m not talking about you. You think I cut my hair just for <em>you, </em>Blaine Anderson?” He shakes his head, his voice warm and teasing. “Nah, I actually care about this guy’s opinion—and he’s got the most <em>wonderful </em>ass you’ve ever seen in a pair of chinos.”</p>
<p>Blaine smiles against the rim of his coffee cup, “Oh, so <em>not </em>me?”</p>
<p>Sebastian grins, pillowing his chin against the palm of his hand. “Sorry to disappoint, Killer.”</p>
<p>He rolls his eyes but finds that it’s hard to stop smiling, following Sebastian’s movements as he begins to pull books from his own satchel to get classwork done in his company. He opens up his biology book, the cover overlapping his cell phone as he starts to take notes on cell reproduction.</p>
<p>Blaine realizes later that he completely forgot about Kurt’s text and wording a perfect reply. </p>
<p>--</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. a gravitational pull</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks so much to everyone who's left a comment or kudos already! appreciate you so much! enjoy :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 2: a gravitational pull</strong>
</p>
<p>Kurt Skypes him a few days later to apologize and Blaine says he’s sorry too even though there’s no reason for him to be. But if this is what it takes to keep the peace and return things to a semblance of normal then that’s what he’s going to do. He thinks that’s what they need; to start fresh, to put themselves back onto page one of their relationship and figure out how to repair pieces that they’ve broken.</p>
<p>It works for a while until it doesn’t.</p>
<p>The same icy silence returns, the same enormous spaces between text messages and missed calls and words that aren’t said to one another. The difference is that, this time, Blaine bottles up his emotions instead of sharing them because he’s paranoid he’s being <em>selfish </em>by bothering Kurt with them anyways.</p>
<p>He knows that it’s not healthy but he’s not sure what else he’s supposed to do. Long distance relationships are never easy and it’s natural for them not to communicate for periods of time, even when Kurt was in Ohio that tended to happen. But everything feels different now that Kurt’s miles away, his Facebook feed filled with group photos and selfies with Rachel and a guy named Rick who is now apparently their third roommate. He read about it on a post a week ago because Kurt hasn’t had the time to tell him over the phone.</p>
<p>Blaine feels like this should hurt more than it does, not that it isn’t painful but…it’s like he’s almost numb to this feeling of being left behind, of being lonely and lost and insignificant. When these emotions visit him, he lets them sit in his chest and crumble away at his resolve until they seep naturally out of the pores of his skin.</p>
<p>He’s used to feeling like this, which should be a <em>big sign </em>that he’s swallowing down something toxic but he ignores it all the same. He makes himself sick with anxiety, like <em>literally </em>he catches the worst head cold that the beginning of the school calendar has to offer and takes off a whole week.</p>
<p>Great way to make an impression for his senior year.</p>
<p>His friends text him to make sure he’s alright and as he lays curled in bed he thinks about one number that hasn’t gotten back to him. His messages sound a little whiney but he doesn’t feel well and the <em>one </em>person who could make him feel better is too busy doing something in New York to check up on him.</p>
<p>Blaine sighs and presses his face into his pillow, dozing in and out of sleep as a fever plays tag with whether he wants to have a blanket on or not. The thing is, he knows that if his relationship with Kurt wasn’t stressing him out that his immune system would have been in better shape. He rarely gets sick even when it seems like the entire school is catching a bug, he’s always lucky that way.</p>
<p>Apparently, not this time.</p>
<p>When he wakes up from a fitful rest, he checks his phone and leans back against the headboard, winding his fingers through messy, unruly curls. He’s got a few texts from Sam about a Spanish test that he managed to get pictures of and one from Sebastian…asking him if he likes tomatoes?</p>
<p>He scrunches his nose, not quite sure why he’s being asked that. But he texts back anyways:</p>
<p><strong>Blaine Anderson (4:45 PM):</strong> Well I don’t hold any grudges against them if that’s what you mean?</p>
<p>Sebastian sends back a ‘thumbs up’ emoji and Blaine sticks his phone underneath his pillow as he turns to hide under his comforter again. He’s not sure how much time passes but a dull thump pulls him from sleep and he blinks blearily into his bedroom, nearly having a heart attack as he makes out Sebastian putting a tray of soup down on his nightstand.</p>
<p>He licks his lips, voice sounding like sandpaper as he says, “Are you real?”</p>
<p>The taller turns, unbuttoning his Dalton blazer with an amused tilt to his lips. “Do your fever dreams regularly include me?” Blaine rolls his eyes but the action makes the room spin so he tries not to do that again.</p>
<p>He pinches the bridge of his nose and leans up, blankets falling down to his waist as he sits against his headboard. Sebastian turns another lamp on and leans back against his dresser, crossing his arms over his chest.</p>
<p>“I texted you that I was coming over. I brought soup,” He shrugs his one shoulder, “It’s from a can, so don’t get too excited.”</p>
<p>Blaine frowns and digs under his pillow for his phone; true enough there are three unread texts from Sebastian detailing this soup idea. He runs a hand over his face, glancing over at the nightstand. He can’t smell anything but the dark maroon liquid hints towards tomato.</p>
<p>“Your mom was confused to see me,” Sebastian brings up after Blaine reaches for the saltine crackers on the tray, deciding that he should see if he can handle these first. He chews slowly, not responding to Sebastian for a moment, “And then she realized who I was and almost closed the door in my face.”</p>
<p>Blaine smiles a little, “Can’t blame her, exactly.”</p>
<p>“No,” Sebastian agrees, his eyes ticking over Blaine’s room.</p>
<p>He realizes that this is the first time he’s ever been standing in the space, his gaze absorbing bits and pieces of him that he’s never shared. Pictures of friends and family, knick-knacks from his grandfather’s house before he passed, bowties and skin care products and records upon records of music.</p>
<p>“You didn’t tell her we were talking again?”</p>
<p>“I haven’t really told anyone.” Blaine admits, reaching for the tray of soup and some sort of tea and sets it on his lap in bed. He can feel Sebastian’s eyes on him, settling on his shoulders, the implications of what those words really mean.</p>
<p>Questions float in the air like balloons, one specifically that Sebastian does not ask. He pops a different one with a pin, “What, are you ashamed?”  </p>
<p>Blaine looks at him as he picks up his spoon, a sigh tumbling from his lips because he’s not sure how to put this. It’s not about shame or embarrassment, not really? He doesn’t want to tell Kurt for a whole number of reasons, especially since they’re already having problems but…everyone else?</p>
<p>Sebastian moves to sit near Blaine’s legs, watching him fiddle with the spoon and decide whether he’s going to eat or not. He can feel the heat of his body through the comforter, right up against his knees.</p>
<p>“Not exactly, I just don’t know how to tell people that we’re friends again.”</p>
<p>“Because it’s complicated.” Sebastian supplies, stealing a cracker from Blaine’s tray.</p>
<p>“Because you threw rock salt in my face and I thought we were friends then, too.”</p>
<p>Blaine sees Sebastian physically bite down on his tongue. He’s probably stopping himself from saying that he was <em>aiming </em>at Kurt and that Blaine got in the way; he’s glad that he doesn’t go there because he’d probably end up throwing soup on him.</p>
<p>It doesn’t matter if Sebastian’s intent was to hit Kurt with that slushie, friends don’t do that to other people’s boyfriends. He understands the pressure of competition and maybe even hints of jealousy but that? That’s just <em>cruel </em>and not who Blaine thought Sebastian was.</p>
<p>The room sits in silence for a few moments, their breathing the only thing that fills the space until Blaine starts eating spoonfuls of soup. He doesn’t mean to keep drudging up the past but if they’re going to be friends, <em>real </em>friends this time, then Sebastian has to understand that he’s hurt him. He wants to tell him that one day, he won’t hold this slushie thing against him—when he learns to trust him again, when betrayal doesn’t sit so sourly in the back of his throat.</p>
<p>Blaine just doesn’t know when that will be.</p>
<p>While he’s willing to give him a second chance, not everyone else might be so forgiving of this decision.</p>
<p>Blaine lets out a long sigh, rubbing his hand over his forehead as a headache begins pinching his temples. “What’s this?” He asks, tapping his finger on the outside of the mug of liquid.</p>
<p>“It’s ginger tea, it’s supposed to help your sore throat.” Sebastian says, lifting one of his long legs to bend on Blaine’s bed so he’s sitting more comfortably. “With Rachel gone, you’re my biggest competition at McKinley. Can’t have you benched by a measly cold.”</p>
<p>Blaine smiles a little and shakes his head, picking up the mug of tea to take a few long sips. It soothes his throat instantly and when he talks again he feels more like himself, “Sectionals is months away, I’ll be better by then.”</p>
<p>“Can’t be taking any chances,” Sebastian teases, “Your public school is basically a petri dish.”</p>
<p>He supposes he’s got a semblance of an argument there; Blaine should really be taking better care of himself. This whole Kurt long distance relationship mess is wreaking havoc with his general sense of being. Once he’s over this cold, he’s going to take steps to make sure he’s taking the time for self-care.</p>
<p>“I didn’t realize how hard this was going to be for you,” Blaine says after a moment, a light tilt to his voice. Sebastian raises his eyebrows, not following his line of thought until he continues, “Me leading the New Directions and eventually beating you at sectionals.”</p>
<p>Sebastian huffs out a sound, standing and grabbing one of his pillows to hit him in the head with it. Blaine practically squawks, holding onto the tray on his lap so nothing goes spilling and can’t stop the few chuckles that tumble out of his chest.</p>
<p>“What are you going to do? I hope we can still be friends after all that.”</p>
<p>“Shut it Anderson and eat your soup.” The taller rolls his eyes but he’s smiling as he finds a better position on Blaine’s bed, leaning down onto his one side and playing with a loose string in the comforter.</p>
<p>Blaine grins, picking up his tea again to take another sip, feeling himself start to warm from the inside out.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Blaine sits quietly as Sebastian scribbles in his notebook directly across from him as they sit in the Dalton café. He always feels out of place coming back here, even though this school is like his second home despite that he transferred to McKinley. It’s a weird balance of emotions and sensations that seem to go at war with one another inside of him.</p>
<p>Dalton will always be a part of him; it’s where he rediscovered himself and his newfound confidence. The Warblers are his friends, his family, even though he has a new mismatched family in the New Directions. It feels weird to be sitting at these cherry wood tables without his blazer on and his fingers itch to run over the missing material of the lapels he’s spent such a long time in.</p>
<p>His eyes travel down Sebastian’s uniform, a sense of longing that he keeps to himself because anyone he mentions it to just ends up making him feel guilty. They don’t get it, which is fine; he’s probably just feeling nostalgic about it anyways. It’s something that he lets go and slip right through his fingers, he has a new group of people who depend on him, who make him feel at home and he’s not about to give that up to transfer <em>back </em>to Dalton.</p>
<p>He needs to stay in one place for his senior year but that doesn’t mean he’s not happy about an excuse to come back here and spend time surrounded by familiar walls and friendly faces.</p>
<p>Sebastian sits back in his chair and lets out a long sigh, his face pinched with a little frustration as he taps his pen against the table. Blaine leans up a little and glances down at the sheet but tries not to insert himself where he doesn’t belong—he recognizes exactly what Sebastian is doing as captain of the Warblers. He’s trying to figure out step routines, where people stand, the intervals in-between movements but something isn’t working out.</p>
<p>“Do you need a refill?” Blaine asks because at least he can do that.</p>
<p>Sebastian looks at him and picks his cup up to check how much he has before shaking his head. “No, if I have any more caffeine I’ll be bouncing off the walls in practice.”</p>
<p>Blaine smirks and checks the time—he should probably be heading back to McKinley himself. He heard through the grapevine that there’s going to be a new musical this year but the title hasn’t been chosen yet. Regardless, he wants to keep fresh by practicing a few numbers on stage.</p>
<p>“Is Hunter still giving you trouble?”</p>
<p>“Like an STD,” Sebastian says sweetly, rolling his eyes as he puts his pen down and takes a long sip of coffee. “He has some really good ideas but he’s not willing to be co-captains. He doesn’t want to share the spotlight.”</p>
<p>“That sounds like no one I know,” Blaine muses, nudging Sebastian’s leg underneath the table.</p>
<p>The taller smiles, pressing his knee into Blaine’s thigh for a moment, “You’re one to talk, Blaine Warbler.”</p>
<p>There’s a warmth that explodes forward in his chest at being called that, an affectionate nickname that Blaine actually enjoys. He <em>misses </em>that part of his life so much sometimes, being involved with an a cappello and swinging his hips to dance moves that were decided by the group. New Directions is good in a different way but no one quite listens to him the same way compared to when he was here with the Warblers.</p>
<p>“Is that what you’re struggling with here?” Blaine asks, his fingers brushing the top of the sheet Sebastian was writing on, “Is he messing with the configuration that you’re trying to put into place as captain?”</p>
<p>Sebastian opens his mouth to reply but then sees something over Blaine’s shoulder. Blaine doesn’t have to know what he’s looking at because there’s instant <em>aggravation </em>covering his handsome face. He turns his head a little as someone approaches their table, a shorter guy with chiseled features and short brown hair.</p>
<p>“Flirting with the enemy Sebastian?” Hunter, Blaine presumes, clicks his tongue off the roof of his mouth. “Just imagine what the other Warblers would think?”</p>
<p>Blaine takes a little satisfaction in the words that roll off his tongue, “You must not know who I am,” He outstretches his hand, “Blaine Anderson.”</p>
<p>Recognition suddenly colors Hunter’s face and he grins, slow like a shark as he senses blood in the water and shakes Blaine’s hand. “Blaine Anderson in the flesh, it’s like meeting a president.”</p>
<p>He practically has to yank his hand free from Hunter’s grasp, turning his coffee cup against his palm as he glances over at Sebastian, “We were just talking about the Warblers.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure Sebastian’s just nipping at the chance on figuring out how to run a show choir group correctly.”</p>
<p>“Fuck off Hunter,” Sebastian smiles, all teeth, “Blaine’s not interested in sleeping with you. This little show you’re putting on is pointless.”</p>
<p>Hunter straightens his shoulders, eyes following the lines of Blaine’s body to the point where it makes him squirm a little in his seat. “Pity. Don’t be late to practice, they don’t need another reason to dislike you.”</p>
<p>Blaine scrunches his nose as he watches Hunter walk off towards the senior commons, a soft sigh leaving his chest as he gives Sebastian his attention back.</p>
<p>“He’s something else.”</p>
<p>The taller runs a hand through his hair, his eyes not leaving Hunter’s back until his disappears, “’Something’,” He mumbles, “Not sure whether he wants to fuck me or fuck <em>with </em>me.”</p>
<p>Blaine nearly chokes on a sip of coffee but clears his throat to cover it, “And here I thought that’d be your type.”</p>
<p>A smirk decorates his handsome face, “Probably would be if he didn’t talk so much.”</p>
<p>Blaine bites his tongue on asking what Hunter meant before he left, whether the Warblers were giving him a hard time after everything that happened last year. Knowing the guys he was close with, they’re probably not too happy about taking direction and guidance from Sebastian who nearly blinded him.</p>
<p>He makes a mental note to check in with Trent, Nick, and Jeff later to see if that’ll help.</p>
<p>For now, however? He leans forward and taps on Sebastian’s paper to where he’s got Hunter and Trent labeled, “Trent has a wide step, which is why he always needs a corner place. If you move him here,” He drags his finger across the paper, “I guarantee you he’ll step on Hunter’s feet or run right into him during the whole practice.”</p>
<p>Sebastian smiles, his hand brushing against Blaine’s as he moves his wrist so he can scribble the movement of Warblers. His gaze traces over his face, settling on his hazel eyes and Blaine feels something shift in his chest even though he’s not sure what it is. A gravitational pull, an electric spark kindled heatedly and woven throughout his ribcage, something different yet strikingly familiar as Sebastian looks at him.</p>
<p>“Didn’t know you had a mean streak, Blaine Anderson.”</p>
<p>He scoffs out a soft sound, a smile tugging the corners of his mouth. It’s harmless fun—and it’ll put Hunter in his place. “Maybe I’m spending too much time with you.” He sips from his coffee cup.</p>
<p>Sebastian grins and presses his shin against Blaine’s under the table, “Maybe.”</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Mr. Schue implements another glee booty camp, which Blaine doesn’t really mind because he enjoys dancing and working out and this puts them both together under a two-hour time slot. But some of his friends look like they’re going to die afterwards and lie on the stage attempting to breathe long after the practice is over.</p>
<p>He’s changed back into a pair of blue jeans and a mustard colored sweater, hair loose of gel because he was sweating during the booty camp. He smiles a little as he finds Sam still lying down on the surface of the stage when he walks out from behind the curtains to go home.</p>
<p>“You’re not going to sleep here, are you?” He asks, moving to sit down next to him and cross his legs.</p>
<p>Sam grunts but doesn’t move, sweat kissing his forehead but quickly drying. He eventually sighs, dramatically, and sits up so he can address his friend. “I was debating it if no one bothered me.”</p>
<p>Blaine smiles and shakes his head fondly, drawing his one knee up to his chest so he can rest his chin on it. He runs a hand through his hair and glances around the theater, the rest of the glee club gone leaving him and one of his best friends in the wide, empty space. His heart slams in his ribcage as he contemplates doing this but he knows that he <em>has </em>to start telling people that are a part of his life. They’ll understand, right? Sam, at least, will try to understand.</p>
<p>“I have to talk to you about something.”</p>
<p>“Dude, I’m flattered but I don’t swing your way. And I thought you and Kurt were good again?”</p>
<p>Blaine blinks, his brain restarting as he processes Sam’s words, “No, I’m. No. I mean, yeah we’re fine. I guess. That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Sam drags his gym bag closer and unzips it, pulling out the shirt he wore to school. “What’s up then?”</p>
<p>He watches his friend take his sweaty shirt off, putting deodorant on and using a towel to pat his neck and chest dry before slipping the different shirt on. He swallows, the words getting stuck in his throat and finally blurts it out even though it sounds muffled and slightly hysterical.</p>
<p>“I’mfriendswithSebastianagain.”</p>
<p>Sam frowns, running a hand through his messy blonde hair. “What?”</p>
<p>Blaine sighs, licking his lips, forcing himself to enunciate. “I’m friends with Sebastian again.”</p>
<p>It takes a moment for it to register on Sam’s face, for him to figure out who he’s talking about. He zips up his gym bag and turns to give Blaine his full attention, narrowing his eyes just a little, “Sebastian—the dude who tried to blind you?”</p>
<p>Before he has a chance to give him an explanation, something else occurs to Sam and makes him speak in a sudden panic, his hand coming down onto Blaine’s forearm.</p>
<p>“Wait, you’re not transferring back to Dalton again are you?”</p>
<p>“What? No!” Blaine exclaims though he supposes he understands the question, his friend visibility relaxing from that news and willing to listen to whatever else he has to say. “No of course not, you guys are my family.” He covers Sam’s hand with his own and squeezes before they both pull back.</p>
<p>He doesn’t know how else to say this, “And Sebastian apologized.” The excuse sounds weak, even to his own ears.</p>
<p>Sam lets out a slow sigh and straightens his back, not sure he believes him for one second. He thinks it’s a bad idea, can see it all over his face, but at least he’s not yelling at him or not taking Blaine’s feelings seriously.</p>
<p>“Saying you’re sorry means that you won’t try and hurt someone again.” He stands from the stage, picking up his bag to put over his shoulder.</p>
<p>Blaine looks up at him, mouth opening and closing for a moment. “I don’t think he has ulterior motives this time, Sam.”</p>
<p>The blonde fixes him with a look, “Do you trust him?”</p>
<p>Sam doesn’t know Sebastian well enough to believe a word that he’s saying but he should believe <em>Blaine. </em>While he gives second chances rather easily, he only gives them to people who deserve them. He thinks about the question in front of him, as it flutters from Sam’s lips and lands directly on the stage, at his knees—</p>
<p>Does he trust Sebastian?</p>
<p><em>No </em>is his knee-jerk response but there’s an overwhelming sense of <em>want </em>that follows right after. He wants to be able to trust him, he wants to build that friendship back, wants it to be stronger than before and actually mean something.</p>
<p>“I want to,” He says after a moment, “I’m trying to. And I’m asking <em>you</em> to trust me.”</p>
<p>Sam sighs before he nods his head, reaching out for Blaine to help him up off the stage. “You know I do. I just hope you know what you’re doing.”</p>
<p>He smiles softly as Sam throws his arm around his shoulders as they begin their walk out of the theater. He’s glad that they leave the conversation to rest and that Sam doesn’t begin to ask about who else knows and if he’s told Kurt yet.</p>
<p>Blaine really hopes he knows what he’s doing too.</p>
<p>--</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. a word about 'karma'</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks to everyone who's reading, leaving kudos or commenting. means a lot! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>Chapter 3: </strong>a word about ‘karma’</p>
<p>It’s not that he’s avoiding telling Kurt, he just doesn’t want to get into it through text messages. That’s not the right place, too much left up to misinterpretation and lack of inflection. Blaine wants to have a real conversation that he hopes doesn’t end badly, even though he knows deep down, there might not be a way around that. Which is why he’s been asking Kurt if they could call one another and talk for the past three days.</p>
<p>Kurt apologizes with a few texts that say he’s too busy, so Blaine waits. It’s as simple as that.</p>
<p>He distantly knows that this is somehow going to explode in his face because even though he has all the best intentions, Kurt’s never liked Sebastian in the first place. He knows that, just like anything else, it’s only a matter of time before Kurt finds out on his own.</p>
<p>After he talks with his parents and some other members of the glee club, his boyfriend is quickly becoming the only person in his inner circle that doesn’t know.</p>
<p>Blaine lets out a slow breath as he rounds to his locker, holding his phone between his ear and shoulder as he works out his lock combo. “So Warblers practice was good?”</p>
<p>“Hunter had to ice his feet three practices in a row,” He can hear Sebastian’s smile even though he can’t see it. “He’s too stubborn to move.”</p>
<p>“Can’t say he’s not dedicated, I guess,” Blaine mumbles, setting his lock down once he has his locker open, “I’ve had Finn step on my feet before and that shit hurts.”</p>
<p>Sebastian hums and Blaine can hear the sound of coffee grinders in the background; he must be waiting in line at the Dalton café. Blaine runs a hand over his forehead as he tries to think what classes he has for the rest of the day, pulling his history textbook out from under a pile.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?” Echoes gently in his ear and Blaine pauses for a moment, wondering if it’s really that obvious something is up. Or maybe he’s right in thinking that Sebastian’s always been a little more in-tune to his emotions, being able to read him like an open book—even over the phone. “You’re quiet today.”</p>
<p>Blaine debates whether he tells him about Kurt or not and decides to go with a safer but still honest topic, “The musical McKinley is doing is <em>Grease </em>and I’m trying to decide whether I want to go for Danny or Teen Angel.”</p>
<p>“<em>Grease </em>is incredibly overrated.” Sebastian tuts and Blaine chews on his lower lip as he slips a few more notebooks into his satchel.</p>
<p>“Maybe, but it’s important to me. I want to be able to put as much as possible on my college applications.”</p>
<p>He can sense Sebastian rolling his eyes but the taller sighs with newfound patience, “Not that I don’t think you deserve to be the center of attention, because I do,” A soft blush kisses Blaine’s cheeks. “But you should go for something not as obvious. Whatever you play, you’ll bring to life.”</p>
<p>Blaine can’t help but smile, tucking his chin a little at the compliment as he closes his locker door.</p>
<p>“Teen Angel is dreamy, you’ll fit the part perfectly and steal the show directly from under whoever plays Danny.”</p>
<p>“That’s uh, pretty sound advice,” Blaine admits, leaning against the set of lockers and checking his watch to make sure he won’t be late for class. He still has some time.</p>
<p>“What can I say? Sometimes I know what I’m talking about.”</p>
<p>“Oh, just sometimes?” Blaine fires back and notices the warmth in the inflection of his voice, he sounds—fond almost, like he’s…flirting and nearly swallows his tongue because no. That’s not what this is. This is how friends that support eachother talk to one another.</p>
<p>He reasons with himself that this is how he’d talk to Sam or Tina, or Rachel. He clears his throat as Sebastian chuckles, pushing the thought away.</p>
<p>“Before I forget, will you come here after Warbler practice? I want to try out my audition on stage and I would like to know what you think.”</p>
<p>Sebastian’s quiet for a moment, maybe distracted because he’s looking over the Dalton café menu? Blaine thinks he might not have heard him after seconds tick by, about to repeat himself when—</p>
<p>“You want me to come to your public school and watch you perform.” It’s not a question and Blaine hesitates on replying for a moment, his eyebrows crinkling together.</p>
<p>“Well I…I guess if you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”</p>
<p>“No, I’ll be there,” Sebastian says quickly. “That’s not what I meant.”</p>
<p>Whatever’s going on, Blaine’s not catching on to it. He pushes himself up from the lockers and begins his slow walk down the hall to where his next class is, straining his ears to listen to what’s going on in the background of where Sebastian is. Did he miss something?</p>
<p>“I’m confused,” He admits after a moment, playing with the bottom of the black polo he has on today underneath a mustard sweater. “I know it’s not the best way to spend an afternoon but I…I trust you as a performer and—”</p>
<p>He listens to Sebastian take in a breath, “Blaine, first of all, trust <em>yourself </em>as a performer. I haven’t been in a musical since I played a lion in my kindergarten’s ‘Noah’s Arc’.” Blaine smiles a little, can’t help it, shaking his head as he pictures a tiny Sebastian dressed in a lion costume with a mane around his face pinched into a scowl, “I don’t mind watching you, either, we can take all afternoon if you need it.”</p>
<p>A solid warmth settles deep in Blaine’s chest at the admission. He tries not to take so much out of it but it <em>means </em>something to hear Sebastian say that; that he doesn’t mind taking all the time Blaine needs to feel comfortable about a performance that he wants to do for an audition. That Blaine can lean into his talent and give his all as Sebastian sits in an uncomfortable red, auditorium chair in the second row and enjoy everything he has to offer.</p>
<p>It somehow means everything, even though he can’t say it.</p>
<p>And then the other shoe drops. “But I don’t want to be blamed for Kurt giving you a hard time about it.”</p>
<p>Blaine draws his lower lip in-between teeth, waving halfheartedly as he sees Tina down the hall before she turns into her own classroom. “All of a sudden you care about what Kurt thinks?”</p>
<p>Sebastian lets out a patient sigh, “No, I care about what <em>you </em>think. You haven’t told him that we’re talking again, have you?”</p>
<p>He rubs the back of his neck, closing his eyes a moment. “I just…everything kind of happened fast and I haven’t had a chance to talk to him yet. He’s been so busy.”</p>
<p>There’s a definite eyeroll in Sebastian’s voice when he says, “It’s really not that hard to make time for someone if you <em>want </em>to.” Blaine makes a soft sound of protest to disagree with him because it isn’t always that simple but Sebastian talks over him, not wanting to argue, “Do you really think it’s going to be that bad?”</p>
<p>His mouth opens and closes like a goldfish because <em>seriously? </em>He’s asking him that? “Have you ever seen what it looks like when a nuclear bomb goes off?”</p>
<p>Sebastian smirks in his ear, “Alright, fair enough. I guess it makes sense, given he’s always been threatened by me.”</p>
<p>Blaine rolls his eyes as he turns into his classroom, giving a soft smile at the teacher even though she’s telling him to get off his phone before the lecture starts. “Now you’re just being ridiculous.”</p>
<p>Hunter, in the background of Sebastian’s call, most definitely says <em>stop having phone sex with the fucking enemy </em>and Sebastian snaps something in French at him before clearing his throat. “Okay, fine, maybe not me. But he’s definitely threatened by you.”</p>
<p>He sets his books down on the desk and settles into a chair, Jake finding a seat next to him and putting his feet up on the table, “How did we even get on this topic?”</p>
<p>“I’m serious,” Sebastian presses, his voice changing an octave because he wants Blaine to really listen to what he’s saying. He leans his elbows onto the desk, his one hand brushing over the lower half of his face, “I’d be threatened by you too if I had zero self-esteem. You’re charismatic, extremely talented at whatever you put your heart into and you pass as straight.”</p>
<p>Blaine swallows, even though Sebastian’s words are nice to hear, they dig right at an open wound that Kurt’s dug deep into him. Something that festers red hot and has trouble healing.</p>
<p>“Sebastian,” He warns softly as the teacher closes the door because the words are too painful and sharp and he’s talking about his boyfriend in a way that he doesn’t like.</p>
<p>The taller laughs gently into his ear, “I’m just saying, B. Maybe Kurt should be worrying about you a little less and working on himself a little more.”</p>
<p>Blaine hangs up the phone before his teacher can throw a fit, making sure it’s on vibrate as he sticks it into his bag. Jake nudges his shoulder and asks if he’s okay and he nods despite the fact that his cheeks feel like they’re on fire. He rubs at one of them before pulling out a pen, turning to a clean page in his notebook to take notes for the day.</p>
<p>Sebastian…he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Is he really one to judge and say things like ‘working on himself a little more’ when he was throwing rock-salt slushies at people a year ago?</p>
<p>But as he scribbles out a simple bullet point of notes for the third time, his mind too preoccupied to concentrate, Blaine knows that a part of what he’s saying feels right.  </p>
<p>--</p>
<p>He’s in a better mood by the time the afternoon rolls around, meeting Sebastian at the back of the theater because the door leading to the parking lot is still unlocked from glee club booty camp. He pushes on the big metal bar and smiles softly as Sebastian pushes his way in, apparently leaving his tie and blazer in his car. He’s still in his crisp white button down and grey slacks, pulling the sleeves of his shirt up and over his elbows.</p>
<p>“Oh, <em>now </em>I remember what this place smelled like. Sweat and dashed dreams.”</p>
<p>Blaine lets out a soft huff, pushing against his side to guide him towards the front of the stage, “Don’t be unkind. This school might not have the money that Dalton does but that doesn’t make it any less special.”</p>
<p>Sebastian rolls his eyes and walks down the stage steps, picking a seat in the fifth row so Blaine can test his vocal range. “Right. The run-me-down theater seats with moth holes are positively charming.”</p>
<p>Blaine takes center stage and loosens himself up as a few other students from the theater club up in the sound box wait for his cue to play music. “I know this is hard for you but try not to be yourself for five minutes.”</p>
<p>The taller smirks and leans back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest. His eyes travel the length of Blaine’s body, seeming to notice that he’s not changed out of his booty camp clothes. He’s still in a navy-blue t-shirt and gray sweatpants—not his best performance outfit but at least he’s comfortable. He’ll look the part for the real audition tomorrow.</p>
<p>“I have to say, those joggers are really working for you Anderson. You can nearly see…every well-endowed curve your body has to offer.”</p>
<p>He feels his cheeks heat a distinct red and doesn’t gratify that with a response before he motions to the sound box and the music swims to life on the stage. The opening chords for <em>Hopelessly Devoted to You </em>pull Blaine right into the character he wants to portray. Even though this isn’t for Danny or Teen Angel, he’s always been partial to how beautifully haunting this song is.</p>
<p>Blaine rubs his palms together, licks his lips and begins singing—</p>
<p>Sebastian’s eyes follow him around the stage, drink him in, the words hitting a little too personally as he rounds to lyrics like <em>I know I’m just a fool who’s willing, to sit around and wait for you. </em>But he’s always found that emotions gave him a leg up in performances, putting his everything into his music is where his talent lies.</p>
<p>So he doesn’t hold back.</p>
<p>Sebastian looks less than pleased about the song choice because of course, he knows exactly where he’s going with this one too. But his expression melts into something that Blaine can’t identify as anything else other than <em>admiration </em>as he continues to sing.</p>
<p>He goes through the whole number, holding his voice on proper notes and giving it just a <em>touch </em>of difference so the rendition sounds original but not unrecognizable. Sebastian stands at the end and claps, holding his gaze with a soft smile before he leans his hands on the back of one of the chairs in front of him.</p>
<p>“That was amazing.”</p>
<p>Blaine’s panting just slightly, trying to catch his breath as sweat kisses the back of his neck and around his shirt collar. “Are you just saying that?”</p>
<p>Sebastian scoffs, moving to walk down the aisle to stand in front of where Blaine’s on stage. “There’s no getting into your pants any time soon; I wouldn’t just say so for my health.”</p>
<p>Blaine sits down on stage and lets his legs hang over the edge, giving the sound box students a thumbs up in ‘thanks’ as they leave for the day. His attention falls back onto the Warbler who has his hands in his pockets, eyes tracing along the hair on his forehead that has to be a mess of wild curls by now.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you always wear your hair like that?”</p>
<p>The question catches him off guard for a moment, his hand automatically touching the top of his head. “Uh, I dunno. The curls are kinda temperamental, I’m usually frizzier than this.”</p>
<p>Sebastian hums, contemplative as he reaches out for one near Blaine’s ear. “You always look like you have cement on your head, a little less gel wouldn’t kill you. Your curls would probably thank you.” He smiles, letting his hand drop as Blaine holds onto his gaze for a moment. “What? You’re allowed to make judgements about my hair but I can’t say a thing about yours?”</p>
<p>He smiles a little, shaking his head and pulls the conversation back on track. “So you don’t think I’ll have any problems with my audition?” He puts his satchel over his shoulder when Sebastian hands it to him from one of the front theater seats.</p>
<p>“Blaine, I think we both know you could practically get whatever part you wanted without barely trying.”</p>
<p>He smiles a little, dipping his chin as he feels blush begin to work down the back of his neck. He hops down from the stage and motions that they need to walk up towards the school. “I gotta get some books from my locker, it’s close by.”</p>
<p>Sebastian nods and follows him up the long ramp to the steps, holding the door open for them as they empty out into the hallway. It’s not that Blaine isn’t satisfied with Sebastian’s review, it’s just…he’s so used to someone giving him feedback of something he needs to work on. Cooper used to tell him he was pitchy and Kurt would talk about inflections or how he held his body during a certain line that he sung—</p>
<p>“There’s really nothing for me to work on?”</p>
<p>The taller scrunches his nose, “I mean, I feel like the sweatpants are a distraction. But we kinda talked about that already.”</p>
<p>Blaine laughs softly as they stop at his locker and he quickly puts in the combination so he can grab his Spanish textbook. “I guess I’m just used to getting feedback that’s more…detailed.”</p>
<p>Sebastian purses his lips before he nods his head, watching Blaine close his locker. They both leave that word hang in the air a few moments because ‘detailed’ clearly means ‘criticisms’ and he’s just thankful neither of them mention who he’s referring to. Blaine hears the school doors open and close and a rowdy bunch of guys walk in, most likely the football players coming off the field from practice.</p>
<p>“Well it’s not going to come from me. You’ve got raw talent, Blaine; a lot of people would kill to just go on stage and perform like you do.”</p>
<p>And maybe that’s part of the problem but Blaine just bites down on his tongue—he shouldn’t have to feel ashamed for something he’s good at. Sebastian gently bumps their shoulders, which makes a small smile tug at the corners of his mouth.</p>
<p>He’s not sure why he doesn’t see this coming sooner but by the time it happens, everything is in slow motion and Sebastian is coated head to waist with red dye and ice. A few football players come rushing down the hall, rough-housing and carrying on and Blaine sees the tell-tale big gulp cup too late. Were the asshole jocks <em>really </em>just roaming the halls hoping to find an unsuspecting geek staying after school to hit in the face with a slushie?</p>
<p>Though he guesses that question is incredibly stupid because they end up finding a target, slamming Sebastian in the face with red ice and laughing the ugliest of sounds as they pass. Blaine’s mouth is open so wide that his jaw feels like its nearly on the floor, watching it drip down the taller’s face as he lets out a haggard breath when he tries to rub his eyes.</p>
<p>“Don’t do that,” Blaine finally snaps out of it, quickly grabbing onto his elbow and pulling him into the nearest bathroom. Sebastian is practically sputtering as he blinks rapidly, coughing when some of it goes into his mouth.</p>
<p>Blaine winces out of sympathy and takes his satchel off, letting it fall to the floor as he grabs paper towels from a nearby dispenser to put cold water on them. “I know it stings, just hold on.”</p>
<p>“Jesus what the <em>fuck </em>is wrong with the neanderthals that go to your school?” Sebastian snaps, pushing Blaine’s wrist away out of instinct even as he tries to help him.</p>
<p>He sighs patiently, “Sebastian, you’re taller than me so you’re going to need to either lean down or I can get a chair from a classroom.”</p>
<p>Sebastian grunts out an expletive under his breath but bends his knees a little, making it easier for Blaine to start wiping away the red slushie from around his eyes. He chews on his lip in concentration, pressing himself up on his toes and holds onto Sebastian’s shoulder for balance. He throws away the set of paper towels before grabbing another, always using cold water to help soothe the irritation.</p>
<p>It’s quiet for a few moments as Blaine cleans him up best that he can and Sebastian lets out a slow breath, sniffling as he works some of the ice out that’s melting in his hair. “Yeah, I guess these really aren’t pleasant.”</p>
<p>Blaine pauses for a moment as reality crashes down on them, a fluttering sensation beginning in his stomach and ricocheting up his chest until he <em>smiles. </em>He quickly tries to hide it, laughs building in his throat that he swallows down but Sebastian catches him almost instantly.</p>
<p>“Are you laughing at me?”</p>
<p>“No,” He says too quickly, amusement wrapped around his syllables. “Maybe a little. Tip your head back.”</p>
<p>Sebastian rolls his eyes but does as he’s told, Blaine getting a few sticky splotches that are under his jawline and on his neck. He throws the paper towels away and grabs a few more to finish up; he’s doing his best but what Sebastian really needs is to rinse his hair. He’d offer the sink but he probably just wants to go home at this point.</p>
<p>“If you say a word about ‘karma’, I’m going to squeeze the red dye out of my shirt and into your hair.”</p>
<p>Blaine snorts and pretends to zip his mouth closed, though, speaking of shirts—he rifles through his satchel and pulls out the sweater he wore to school today. It should just fit Sebastian without being too uncomfortable…though the arms are definitely going to be too short.</p>
<p>“Noted. Here, you can borrow this. Put it on.”</p>
<p>Sebastian grins almost too easily and Blaine rolls his eyes as it makes his stomach do a ridiculous swoop. “And here I was wondering when you were going to start asking me to take my clothes off.”</p>
<p>Blaine covers Sebastian’s face with the damp paper towels before he pulls away and lets him change into his sweater. He doesn’t try as hard, however, to avert his eyes.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>He sends Kurt a few video chats about his <em>Grease </em>audition because he thinks that might be easier than Facetiming. Kurt seems to be busy recently about a fashion internship which Blaine’s thrilled for him about, he’s just…trying to remember the last time they had a real conversation. Or at least one that didn’t end a little short or flippant. He misses him but he’s also <em>tired </em>of missing him all at the same time, if that makes any sense.</p>
<p>Blaine wanders downstairs to make himself a cup of coffee, pausing after he pours it when his phone vibrates in his back pocket from a text. He slips it out, tapping the screen awake,</p>
<p><strong>Kurt Hummel (6:15PM):</strong> Teen Angel is great though I’m really surprised you’re not going for the lead.</p>
<p>He pauses, trying not to let that rub him the wrong way and texts back:</p>
<p><strong>Blaine Anderson (6:17PM):</strong> Yeah, I just figured Teen Angel is different and there’s a lot of other guys interested in the lead role so.</p>
<p><strong>Kurt Hummel (6:17PM):</strong> Didn’t stop you from going after Tony though, did it? ;)</p>
<p>And he <em>knows </em>there’s an emoji there, that he’s joking but the comment puts such a sour taste in his mouth that he sets his phone down on the counter, ignoring the screen. Even after all this time of trying to get Kurt’s attention, he finds that he doesn’t want it.</p>
<p>“You okay?” His mother asks as she walks into the kitchen, “You’re staring so hard at that mug like you’re gonna heat it up from glaring alone.”</p>
<p>He feels his cheeks kiss pink and he leans his elbows onto the counter, poking at the sugar bowl. Maybe he should just have it iced.</p>
<p>“Things not going well with Kurt?” She guesses, pouring herself a cup as well.</p>
<p>“Is it that obvious?” He mumbles, pillowing his chin in the palm of his hand.</p>
<p>She smiles gently, putting her mug into the microwave before passing over a tray of ice from the freezer. He cracks the container and pops a few into his mug, “I love Kurt, he was a good boyfriend for you.”</p>
<p>Blaine senses the ‘but’ at the end of her sentence before she says it and waits patiently, adding a little sugar and cream to his coffee.</p>
<p>“But, you’re unhappy. It’s in your eyes.” She gently touches his cheek, running her thumb underneath the hazel.</p>
<p>He smiles softly before pulling away, grabbing a spoon from the drawer to stick into his coffee mug. He twirls it absently, considering her words for a long few moments—somehow saying them outloud finalizes them.</p>
<p>“Everything is just so different. I didn’t…expect it to be like this. I thought it’d be hard, that we’d have our problems but I also thought we’d both be trying to make it work.” Blaine swallows, running a frustrated hand through his curls. “I love him.” <em>But I’m falling out of love with him </em>hangs heavily in the air, hanging on his lips.</p>
<p>Blaine takes a slow sip of his coffee, the iced liquid traveling down his throat and sitting like lead in his stomach. It’s so hard to explain how he feels, constantly back and forth between what he should do.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to break up with him because…”</p>
<p>“You want to feel like you’ve done absolutely everything to salvage it.” His mother licks her lips, taking her mug out of the microwave and wraps her hands around it. “And this has…nothing to do with Sebastian?”</p>
<p>The name causes his stomach to flip gently and he hates that it feels so obvious on his face. He runs a hand over his jawline, like that’ll somehow remove the blush building.</p>
<p>“I couldn’t help but notice that you didn’t mention he was back in your life until he was at our front door with soup.”</p>
<p>A laugh slips out of his throat unexpectedly because yeah, oops on his part. He stares into his coffee mug as if answers will suddenly appear underneath the ice cubes. “This thing with Kurt isn’t about Sebastian and I didn’t tell you guys about him because I wasn’t sure what you’d think after the slushie thing.”</p>
<p>His mom hums, tapping her fingers against the ceramic of her mug. “People do stupid things when they’re in love.”</p>
<p>Blaine gives her a look, shaking his head. “Sebastian…is not in love with me.”</p>
<p>She shrugs her one shoulder, “Okay, sure. But could you blame him? Your brother says that Anderson men have this way about them—like attracting fireflies to a flame.”</p>
<p>Rolling his eyes, he takes a sip of coffee. “No one should listen to Cooper,” Then he switches gears. “Is that how you felt about dad?”</p>
<p>“Still do,” She grins before ruffling his curls. Picking up her mug, she turns to walk out of the kitchen in the direction of the living room before pausing, “You know, it’s okay to be confused. It’s…okay if you feel obligated to Kurt but you like Sebastian. Having feelings for two people happens.”</p>
<p>He chews on the inside of his cheek, unsure of how to respond other than the fact that the word <em>confusing </em>seems to fit best. So instead, he offers up something else, “Sebastian visited me at McKinley to watch my practice audition and got hit in the face with a slushie while he was there.”</p>
<p>She smiles slowly, biting down on her lower lip. “Is he alright?” Blaine laughs softly before he nods, “Did you tell him that’s the thing about karma?”</p>
<p>“He didn’t let me…but I think he got the point.”</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>The awkward tennis match of his and Kurt’s text messages continue over the next week and Blaine senses himself approaching a precipice. His mom’s right though, he wants to feel like he’s doing absolutely everything he can to keep them afloat.</p>
<p>Then again…is he just prolonging the inevitable?</p>
<p>A text buzzes his phone and he turns in bed to look at it, propping himself more comfortably on his stomach against some pillows. He smiles a little as he sees who it’s from:</p>
<p><strong>Sebastian Smythe (8:40PM):</strong> I don’t even care about my shirt at this point but I can’t get rid of the cherry flavor in the back of my throat.</p>
<p>Blaine snorts and before he can even type anything he gets another message.</p>
<p><strong>Sebastian Smythe (8:40PM):</strong> I know what you’re thinking, Anderson. You know what I mean.</p>
<p><strong>Blaine Anderson (8:41PM): </strong>No idea what you’re talking about.</p>
<p>He adds a shrug emoji for good measure.</p>
<p><strong>Blaine Anderson (8:41PM): </strong>Though I’m sure that won’t be the last time.</p>
<p><strong>Sebastian Smythe (8:43PM):</strong> That a slushie is thrown in my face or something at the back of my throat? ;)</p>
<p>Blaine rolls his eyes but can’t stop himself from smiling as he promptly ignores the text and shoves his phone under his pillow.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. vibrant</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i'm blown away by the consistent comments and support, thank you so much! enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 4: vibrant</strong>
</p>
<p>Blaine knows that he can be a relatively oblivious person but he’s pretty sure he’s not making up the fact that Kurt will not give him the time of day to call him back. There’s a worried bundle of nerves that’s sitting under his ribcage, practically in his stomach, as he thinks about <em>why </em>that is. He’s having a hard time concentrating in class, in glee club and in booty camp because he turns the wrong way and Jake runs right into him.</p>
<p>He’s knocked onto his ass and Mr. Schue looks like he’s about to have a panic attack because glee club has been complaining as it is about this whole thing.</p>
<p>“I’m fine,” He says quickly because he can tell his teacher thought he fainted. “I just…lost my balance.”</p>
<p>“Sorry, dude.” Jake offers his hand to help him up, “Spill on aisle five.”</p>
<p>He smiles gently at the joke and squeezes Jake’s hand and they all start back at first position to run through the number again.</p>
<p>The day drags on.</p>
<p>Blaine pauses at his locker for a few moments, attempting to collect himself before he goes back into the theater to practice for <em>Grease. </em>The musical starts next week and he’s thrilled about having the part of Teen Angel, Sebastian was right—he really had that performance in the bag. But he finds he’s having trouble keeping his excitement for long periods of time because there’s this dark cloud that keeps looming over everything and it’s named ‘Kurt’.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>“I think he’s going to break up with me.” Blaine says quickly, right in the middle of what Sebastian is saying as they sit at their usual table in the Lima Bean.</p>
<p>The taller holds onto his gaze for a moment before letting out a long sigh, sitting his mug of coffee down on the table. “I think I’m the <em>last </em>person you should talk about this with.”</p>
<p>Blaine groans slightly, rubbing his forehead because he’s <em>right, </em>of course he’s right. Maybe he should go home, get to bed early; all of his <em>Grease </em>practices are going to double next week before opening night and he feels like a zombie anymore.</p>
<p>“Can I ask you a question without you getting upset?”</p>
<p>Blaine pulls his hand away from his face, considering his friend for a moment before he nods. Sebastian runs his thumb over the rim of his coffee mug, tapping his other fingers on his English-Lit homework.</p>
<p>“Do you even <em>want </em>to be with Kurt anymore?”</p>
<p>Blaine tries not to let the question overwhelm him because there’s a knee-jerk reaction in his chest that’s threatening to put him on the defense. How can Sebastian ask that? Is this something he was after all this time? Never really wanting to be his friend but wanting <em>him </em>and for a breakup to happen between him and Kurt? He swallows down his hackles, taking a patient breath before he thinks about replying because he…he knows that’s not what this is.</p>
<p>He knows the question is important and it’s something he’s asked himself before Sebastian even put it into the universe.</p>
<p>But it still hurts to hear.</p>
<p>“Kurt’s my first love.”</p>
<p>Sebastian hums and leans his forearms onto their table, “That’s not what I asked you.” He says gently, his voice devoid of the nastiness he’s sure he could lace around words if he really wanted to. Sebastian’s never liked Kurt anyways.</p>
<p>A lump appears in Blaine’s throat that’s hard to swallow over as he decides to consider the question for what it really is and <em>thinks </em>about his answer. He loves Kurt, still does, but he can’t deny that things have changed between them. Their feelings for one another have shifted to the point where he doesn’t recognize their relationship anymore. And that’s fine, he guesses, because things change and feelings are capable of being manipulated.</p>
<p>Both of them have their own lives where they’re discovering new parts of themselves. Kurt has New York, NYADA, auditions, and his new roommate and Blaine has <em>Grease, </em>twenty-three clubs, leading the New Directions and…Sebastian.</p>
<p>It’s <em>okay </em>for a relationship to reach the end of its course—he just wishes they would have been a little more honest with one another so it didn’t leave a sour taste in his mouth.</p>
<p>He sighs and fingers the front part of his hair, looking down into his mug of coffee like it’s capable of telling him exactly what to say.</p>
<p>“I want to be with the Kurt that was here before New York.” He admits and Sebastian nods softly, his hand resting on the table between them. Blaine looks at it for a few moments, knows it’s there if he wants to reach out and touch, not asking for anything more.</p>
<p>“It’s funny, I tend to like breakups, usually because I’m the cause of them.”</p>
<p>“<em>Sebastian,” </em>Blaine sighs out, tipping his head back as he leans into his chair.</p>
<p>“But the last thing I want is for you to get hurt,” He says quickly and despite all the masks Sebastian wears, he can tell that that’s real. For once he’s giving him something that’s honest.</p>
<p>He holds his gaze for a long moment before Blaine’s hand reaches for his on the table; a gentle pressure of fingers in which Sebastian turns his wrist so that his thumb brushes against his pulse point. A soft shiver courses down his spine at the comfort and he leaves their hands intertwined for as long as he needs.</p>
<p>Sebastian doesn’t pull away.</p>
<p>“And it’s only a matter of time before that happens.” Sebastian says, his finger tracing Blaine’s middle one absently.</p>
<p>Blaine closes his eyes for a moment, his other hand picking up his coffee to take a sip so he’s not filled to the brim with nervous energy. “Rachel texted me to say that they’re coming back to Ohio to visit everyone. They’re coming to see <em>Grease.” </em></p>
<p>Sebastian nods his head slowly, considering the information as he picks up his pen with his other hand like he’s intent on doing the rest of his classwork. “Opening night?” Blaine hums softly in confirmation, “I don’t have to come. There are a bunch of other times that work.”</p>
<p>“I <em>want </em>you to be there.” Blaine squeezes his fingertips and he doesn’t realize how much that’s true until the words tumble from his mouth. Sebastian seems to sense the shift in the air too, a soft nod assuring Blaine that he will be if he wants him there.</p>
<p>A quiet settles in the air between them, filled with the noisy patches of the Lima Bean, of coffees being made and gentle chatter and the grinding of machines. It’s not uncomfortable and actually, Blaine feels like something is distinctly slipping into place even though he’s afraid to figure out what it is.</p>
<p>All he knows is that he’s felt like he’s been consistently torn apart at the edges, that pieces of him are missing, and for once it <em>doesn’t </em>feel that way.</p>
<p>“Just…do me a favor, try to stick towards the back? I want to be able to tell him about you before he sees you.”</p>
<p>Sebastian rolls his eyes but he nods, scribbling something down about his Lit homework in front of him. “Guess I’ll cancel the dozen roses.”</p>
<p>Blaine snorts out a soft laugh, his cheeks warming pink as he holds onto Sebastian’s hand for a little longer than necessary before returning to his own classwork.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Blaine peeks out from behind the red curtain, watching the auditorium begin to fill up. His eyes scan the crowd, not trying to find anyone exactly but wondering if his gaze will land on anything in particular. He sees teachers, friends from other classes, a few Warblers that he gave tickets to and his parents. No sign of Kurt yet and he doesn’t spot Sebastian either.</p>
<p>Tonight is going to be a nightmare, he just <em>knows </em>it and hopes more than anything it doesn’t screw up his performance. Everyone has been working so hard on <em>Grease </em>that they deserve a good opening night, despite his bucket of nerves.</p>
<p>He sits in front of a mirror dressed as Teen Angel, all in white, and tries his best not to fiddle with a compact of blush because he doesn’t need makeup caked on his cheeks. His hair is a little more gelled down than he’s been doing recently and Marley comes up and touches his hand, slipping the blush out from under his touch with a playful wink and fixes her own makeup.</p>
<p>Blaine lets out a slow breath and closes his eyes, deciding he needs to get up and pace because he feels completely sick to his stomach—a sensation that he’s not used to before he performs. He doesn’t really get <em>nervous </em>anymore; he’s confident in his abilities and his talent but the way he feels has nothing to do with being Teen Angel.</p>
<p>Sam comes up behind him as he finds a quiet space to breathe and claps his hands down on his shoulders, nearly making him jump out of his skin. “Jesus, sorry dude. It’s just me.”</p>
<p>Blaine does his best not to touch his face because he <em>did </em>put a little foundation on and if he gets it on his hands, it’s ending up on this stupid white outfit at some point. “Have you seen Sebastian?”</p>
<p>Sam makes a face that tells him <em>yes </em>before he can get the word out, “Yeah I saw him up in the back. Blaine, you know <em>Kurt’s </em>here too, right?”</p>
<p>A noise empties out from his throat as he begins pacing again, “Don’t remind me.”</p>
<p>“You ever see that one battle scene from the <em>Star Wars </em>movie—” Blaine puts his hand up so Sam can’t finish that sentence or analogy, his friend smiling a little before he covers his mouth, “Dude, I’m kidding. It’s gonna be fine.”</p>
<p>“Especially when you’re so handsome in white.” Blaine hears Kurt’s voice before he sees him, turning to look at someone who still has the capability to knock him to his knees. He misreads the conversation completely, but Blaine lets him, gently nodding his head at Sam who leaves them to talk.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” He says softly, sticking his hands in his pockets. “You look…great, as always.”</p>
<p>Kurt smiles and preens like a sunflower kissing the sun, “I <em>know, </em>don’t I? What can I say? New York is really doing wonders for my clothing selections.”</p>
<p>Blaine bites down on the tip of his tongue but nods anyways, the smile on his face making him feel even more sick than before. He clears his throat, his eyes trailing over Kurt’s form—waiting for something that he knows should be<em> love</em> to fill him up inside all over again…but nothing happens.</p>
<p>The only thing waiting is chest is regret and utter loneliness and he knows, within that moment, that Sebastian was right in asking him that question back at the Lima Bean.</p>
<p><em>Does </em>he even want Kurt anymore?</p>
<p>He thought he’d feel destroyed or lost at the concept of losing someone he claimed was his soulmate but instead he just feels…relief, like he’s been stuck under a wave all this time and he’s finally able to come up for air.</p>
<p>“I need to talk to you,” He says, taking a step forward into Kurt’s space. If he doesn’t do this now, he might lose his nerve later.</p>
<p>Kurt mimics a gentle one back before nodding, the smile on his face pinched. “I know. Me too, let’s do it after the show, okay?”</p>
<p>The undertow drags him back in but Blaine thinks that’s alright as Kurt disappears from backstage—he only has to hold his breath for a little while longer.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p><em>Grease </em>takes his mind off of a lot, thankfully, and he finds himself giving his everything even when he’s not playing Teen Angel. There are a lot of numbers where he’s in the background, offering backup vocals and dance moves—sometimes he enjoys these moments the most because he can watch <em>other </em>people perform. Much like the Warblers, Blaine feels a sense of pride centered directly in his chest as members of the New Directions belt out notes and perform seamless chorography. It’s one of his favorite things about being a part of a team.</p>
<p>After the last song is sung, they hang out on stage to bow and wave as the audience claps and Blaine finds himself looking to the back of the theater, attempting to spot Sebastian even though the lights are bright. He manages to just see him in a corner seat, standing in a navy-blue suit and not his regular Dalton uniform. He’s clapping and offers a wide smirk as they make eye contact and something heated wells in Blaine’s chest that threatens to overwhelm him.</p>
<p>And then the curtain drops.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Blaine’s barely off the stage before Kurt is pulling him towards an empty hallway to talk and really? Does he want to get this over with so quickly that he can’t even change out of his Teen Angel costume?</p>
<p>“You were fantastic.” Kurt says as they pause in front of a set of lockers, his voice warm even though there’s something distant in his eyes.</p>
<p>Blaine smiles genuinely, the compliment burrowing deep in his chest because even if he and Kurt aren’t on the best of terms, it still feels nice to hear. “Thank you. It means a lot that you came.”</p>
<p>Kurt nods softly, clearing his throat. “I’ve been meaning to come talk to you in person for a while; weekends have just been so busy. It’s hard to get away.”</p>
<p>Blaine swallows and keeps quiet, waiting for the words to come that he can already hear against his eardrums. He can sense it a mile away, Kurt finally gathering the courage to say something to him that he’s probably been wanting to all this time. All the moments that he never got a text or a call back when Blaine tried to salvage pieces of their relationship.</p>
<p>He thought he’d feel more devasted at this concept, at breaking up, but it…feels like a book closing in his mind. Being able to put it back onto the shelf before he selects a new one to open.</p>
<p>Kurt lifts his head, taking in a breath to form the words…and sees something right over Blaine’s shoulder. His face goes <em>white, </em>eyes widening a little in shock and Blaine doesn’t need to turn to know what he’s looking at but glances over his shoulder anyways.</p>
<p>It’s Sebastian exiting from the auditorium, checking his phone as he makes his way to the parking lot. He doesn’t notice them and he’s glad he’s gone before Kurt can <em>screech </em>out his name because he practically walks past Blaine to do so.</p>
<p>“I…I can’t believe he’s here,” He shakes his head, wound up from head to toe, acid dripping from his words, “He’s got <em>so </em>much nerve. Though I guess it was only a matter of time before he tried to weasel his way back in.”</p>
<p>Kurt crosses his arms over his chest and looks back at Blaine, expecting the same reaction—except, all he does is look <em>guilty. </em>He avoids his gaze for a few moments, rocking back on the balls of his feet and Kurt’s jaw is practically on the ground when he says,</p>
<p>“You’ve <em>got </em>to be kidding me.”</p>
<p>“Sebastian is…” All the words seem to slip right from him and he’s grasping at straws trying to get his bearings because how does he say this? Does he really owe Kurt an explanation? He supposes he does after all they’ve been through, even though he feels his walls start to go up to protect himself and his decisions.</p>
<p>“I was going to tell you if you ever actually picked up your phone.”</p>
<p>And apparently that is the wrong thing to say because Kurt’s face colors a deep red as he snaps out, “Oh no, you don’t get to do that to me, Blaine. Not when you’re cheating on me with <em>Sebastian.” </em></p>
<p>Blaine blinks, thinking for a moment that he might actually be having a mini-stroke because <em>what? </em>Why is it always one extreme to the other with Kurt? Why is it, when he always thinks he’s cheating, it’s <em>Sebastian. </em>And maybe, in the back of his mind, he knows the answer to that a little too well.</p>
<p>“<em>Cheating?” </em>He chokes out, stumbling over his words, “I’m not cheating on you! Sebastian and I are friends, and you’re right, I should have told you.” He takes a step closer, trying to touch him to calm him down but Kurt is having none of that. “But I wanted to have an actual conversation about it. Instead of text messages hours, sometimes days, apart.”</p>
<p>He’s not sure why but he can’t help but add little digs about their separation, how hard it’s been on him. Because Kurt needs to know that—what does he think that Blaine’s just waiting by the phone for Kurt to grace him with his presence?</p>
<p>And maybe in the beginning, it <em>was </em>like that. But not anymore. This distance has put a strain on Blaine that he never saw coming.</p>
<p>“You are unbelievable,” Kurt’s words are painful, twisting into something to hurt Blaine because that’s what he does best. He lashes out instead of having a real conversation, “You know, I always thought that you were kind, maybe a little gullible, but I never thought you were <em>stupid. </em>Sebastian is playing you; he’s only ever wanted one thing. Why is it so hard for you to see that!”</p>
<p>Blaine takes in a slow breath; maybe that <em>was </em>true at one point but he knows that’s not how things are now. The trust that was lost between him and Sebastian is beginning to solidify itself once again; “That’s not what’s going on now. He <em>is </em>being a real friend.”</p>
<p>“You know, now that I think about it—I’m not sure why I never saw this coming.” Kurt continues, walking down the hall with the intent on leaving the school. “He practically worships the ground you walk on.”</p>
<p>Heat begins to prickle in Blaine’s bloodstream for a completely different reason now, past arguments he’s had with Kurt rearing their ugly heads, “Is that what this is about? Why is that so terrible? The fact that he recognizes who I am and <em>supports </em>me.”</p>
<p>Suddenly, he’s not sure why it’s taken him this long to realize it before and even moreso now; Kurt is threatened by Sebastian.</p>
<p>“Maybe it’s because he’s content with sitting on a stool and watching me perform.” Blaine snaps out, Kurt’s back to him as he nearly reaches his destination.</p>
<p>His ex goes completely still, slowly turning as he recognizes words from a time not too long ago. He straightens his shoulders, like he’s rolling this conversation off his body, trying to convey that Blaine can’t hurt him.</p>
<p>“Don’t think for one second that Sebastian is capable of caring about you.”</p>
<p>Blaine swallows, the words coming out of Kurt’s mouth not exactly hurting him in the sense of what he means but—he doesn’t want to leave it like this. Despite breaking up and living in two different places, haven’t they meant enough to eachother to not end things in a complete and utter mess?</p>
<p>He takes a step forward but Kurt is already out the door, the sound echoing gently against his eardrums. He closes his eyes for a moment and runs his hands through his hair, a frustrated sound leaving his lips.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Blaine’s one of the last people to leave the school—he tells his parents he’s going to Breadstix with friends and he tells his friends that he’s going home. He just…wants some time to himself to settle down, to gather himself together so he doesn’t feel like he’s completely falling apart.</p>
<p>It’s not that this breakup was something he didn’t see coming and he’s not <em>upset </em>about not being with Kurt anymore, not exactly, a chapter is closing in his life. And he’s not sure how the next one starts.</p>
<p>He sighs tiredly and runs a hand over his face, pulling the sleeves of his navy-blue sweater down as he pushes the exit to the theater open and walks into the parking lot. Home isn’t that far away; he could walk even though it’s dark. The last thing he wants is for his dad to come get him.</p>
<p>Blaine debates calling Sam but as he looks up towards the edge of the parking lot, a car is still there and he knows who it is before Sebastian even gets out of the driver’s seat. “Jesus, how long does it take for you to take makeup off and rinse gel out of your hair?”</p>
<p>He blinks, opening and closing his mouth a moment because he’s…he’s <em>here. </em>“You waited for me?”</p>
<p>Sebastian nods, his eyebrows crinkling together as he sticks his hands in his pockets, leaning against the car door. “Yeah, I sent you a bunch of texts.”</p>
<p>Blaine sighs, lighting up the screen on his phone and there they are. He shakes his head and puts his phone back into his pocket, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry, I missed them.”</p>
<p>Sebastian shrugs his one shoulder, looking completely unbothered as he opens up the back seat and grabs a bouquet of sunflowers. Sunflowers? Blaine’s face nearly squints at the confusing array of flowers but it’s instantly bringing a smile to his face because—</p>
<p>“Those are…”</p>
<p>“I know,” Sebastian smirks and places them into Blaine’s hands, “But they remind me of you. Vibrant.” The shorter smiles gently, clearly touched as he smells one of them, “And roses are so <em>boring.” </em></p>
<p>“They remind me of funerals anyways,” Blaine admits, his fingers squeezing the bouquet a little harder than necessary.</p>
<p>Sebastian glances at the school before putting the pieces of Blaine’s appearance together on his own, shifting as his hand rests against the top of his car. “I’m guessing the whole Kurt thing didn’t go too well.”</p>
<p>Blaine closes his eyes a moment and clears his throat, shaking his head, “I don’t want to talk about Kurt.”</p>
<p>Sebastian smiles a little because that’s just fine with him, drumming his fingers against the hood as his eyes trail over Blaine’s form. “What <em>do </em>you want to talk about then?”</p>
<p>Blaine feels heat curl in his belly like a slow fire, licking the bottom of his ribcage as he takes a slow breath into his lungs. It’s like he’s finally taken a look at what’s in front of him, Sebastian with the clean lines of his navy-blue suit, strong jawline, and hints of freckles on his cheekbones even in the poorly lit parking lot. And maybe…maybe despite his conversation with Kurt going off the rails, he’s right about one thing: this was only a matter of time.</p>
<p>The electric pull between the two of them has always been there and it feels like it’s starting to charge with power as he takes steps to close the distance. Sebastian remains still, looking down at Blaine given their height difference as he sets down the sunflowers on the hood of the car.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to talk at all.” He admits quietly and before he can stop himself, Blaine presses himself up on his toes to kiss him.</p>
<p>A soft noise leaves Sebastian’s lips and Blaine can tell, for a fraction of a second, that he’s managed to surprise him. There’s a gentle state of hesitance where Sebastian lets Blaine kiss him, his hands keeping to himself—as if he thinks this might be a mistake. But he’s insistent, his lips moving quicker as he wraps his arms around Sebastian’s neck to keep him pressed against his body and the taller succumbs.</p>
<p>His hands move quickly, grabbing Blaine by his hips and guiding them both into the backseat of his car, mapping out his body against his. A soft moan leaves his lips as he rocks forward into Sebastian, pent up <em>need </em>and <em>want </em>driving his desires as Blaine’s mouth moves to his neck. He places open-mouthed kisses there, his hands slipping in-between them to fumble with Sebastian’s belt buckle.</p>
<p>“Easy,” He whispers and gets it for him, his hands working on removing the layers for Blaine so he can focus on kissing him instead.</p>
<p>The way Sebastian handles him isn’t gentle, like he’s not afraid he’s working with broken glass, like he doesn’t care if he gets cut or not. His touch is slightly bruising but in a possessive way that makes an excited thrill work into his stomach, hardening his cock even further. He rolls his hips down so that Sebastian can feel him against his inner thigh and the <em>noise </em>that leaves the taller’s lips nearly makes black spots explode in front of his vision.</p>
<p>“Please,” Blaine says quickly, not meaning for it to come out as a whine but his voice constricts. He’s not even sure what he’s asking Sebastian to do but the other seems to instinctively know.</p>
<p>One of his hands works on slipping them both free from their pants, wrapping around both cocks a little haphazardly because Blaine won’t stop moving but eventually gives two, solid strokes. A guttural sound leaves his throat and Sebastian leans up to kiss at his neck, drawing his mouth back onto his own as he continues to stroke both of them off.</p>
<p>It’s almost not enough friction, a bundle of nerves beginning to burn white-hot in his lower belly every time he can feel Sebastian’s cock drag against his own. It doesn’t take that much longer to send him over the edge, his thumb working circles over the head of Blaine’s dick and sending pulsing heat into his bloodstream.</p>
<p>He cums hard, burying his face in Sebastian’s shoulder and muffling the noises as the taller follows suit, grabbing onto him tightly. His hands dig into the soft flesh of his biceps, Blaine collapsing on top of Sebastian and nearly rolling off the seat as he tries to resituate himself.</p>
<p>“Hold on,” Sebastian pants gently and shifts so Blaine has enough room to lay almost beside him, curled into his side, his arm trapped underneath him.</p>
<p>Blaine tips his head back, trying to get his breathing return to normal, barely able to clean them both up before he tucks himself back into his pants. Sebastian is lazy about covering himself up but Blaine finds that he kinda likes that, his one hand resting on his chest. He can almost feel the heartbeat through his layers of clothes and even when reality starts to crash down onto his shoulders about what he’s done—he’s in no hurry to move.</p>
<p>Sebastian tilts his chin down, nose and lips brushing through his mop of curls. Blaine sighs softly, sated, but wishing they weren’t in the backseat of his car in McKinley’s parking lot. Regardless, he doesn’t regret anything.</p>
<p>The taller’s hand comes down to rest on the crown of his head, leaning to press a kiss onto his temple. Blaine looks up at him, a soft smile tugging the corners of his mouth. He wants to say something, willing <em>any </em>words at all to leave out from under his tongue but nothing comes.</p>
<p>Instead, he presses himself up and kisses Sebastian again—just because he can.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. a ripple effect</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>only one more chapter to go! thanks to everyone who's left kudos and consistent reviews! they mean a lot :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 5: a ripple effect</strong>
</p>
<p>Blaine sighs when Sam’s expression remains unchanging as they stretch in a quiet corner before booty camp, his jaw nearly on the floor and his eyes wide.</p>
<p>“Will you <em>stop </em>looking at me like that?” Blaine pleads, stretching his leg up onto the wooden bar in front of them.</p>
<p>“I’m just trying to get the facts straight in my mind. So…right in the backseat of his car in the school parking lot? Dude that’s badass.”</p>
<p>“<em>Shh,” </em>Blaine hisses, looking around quickly at the other glee club members. Luckily, no one seems to be paying attention to them. “It’s…it’s not that big of a deal. It just sort of happened.” Even though his face betrays his words, a soft smile tugging at his mouth.</p>
<p>Sam laughs softly and loses his balance on the bar, nearly tumbling onto the floor of the stage. “Yeah, clearly.”</p>
<p>Blaine switches to his other leg, stretching out the muscles of his biceps at the same time as a silence falls in-between them. He’s waited a few weeks to tell Sam that it’s happened in the first place; an unwarranted fear that if he talks too loud about it that it’ll shatter the comfortable warmth that he’s found with Sebastian.</p>
<p>They haven’t really talked about it but obviously a dynamic has shifted between them. They touch one another a lot more, soft intimate gestures that mean something deeper than at first glance. Sebastian with his hand on Blaine’s lower back while they wait in line at the Lima Bean, Blaine grabbing Sebastian’s hand and fiddling with his fingers while they watch a movie, legs pressing into one another under a table and soft kisses exchanged without any prompting.</p>
<p>It’s not dating, is it? Or well, it’s not dating <em>yet </em>because they haven’t had that conversation. Should he be worried it’s too soon after his break-up with Kurt? Does that really matter if him and Sebastian are on the same page?</p>
<p>His mind whirls with possibilities, Sam nudging his shoulder as Mr. Schue encourages them to the center of the stage to start. They settle in the back and go through the motions, his friend catching his attention every so often as they switch directions.</p>
<p>“Having second thoughts?”</p>
<p>“No,” Blaine says instantly because it’s not that. “It’s just…Kurt and I only recently broke up.”</p>
<p>Sam raises his arms to stretch the muscles out, “Yeah like a month ago. Besides, from what you’ve been telling me, that was bound to happen sooner or later. Don’t get me wrong, I like Kurt but you’re my dude.”</p>
<p>Blaine rotates with Marley in a twist-turn and winks when she flashes him a smile. <em>You’re my dude—</em>does that mean he’s on his side or what? Are there sides? There’s a crinkling of his eyebrows when he moves into a position near Sam again and his friend smirks,</p>
<p>“I guess I just mean, you’ve been fucking miserable since he left. And from what I understand, he hasn’t thought about your feelings in a long time. That’s not on you.”</p>
<p>He nods, trying to focus on the moves Mr. Schue is demonstrating for a few moments. If he’s being honest, it just feels nice to have someone <em>validate </em>how lonely and frustrating it’s been. Blaine tried to make things work and it still fell apart. His friend is right: he doesn’t have to own that failure; he doesn’t have to carry it with him.</p>
<p>“Thanks Sam,” He clears his throat, shifting to a different topic. “I’m also worried that I’ve spent so much time telling Sebastian we're only going to be friends that he won't think any of this means anything.”</p>
<p>Sam snorts and Jake turns around to glare at them; apparently he’s having a hard time concentrating on the moves but Sam sticks his tongue out at him and keeps going. “Fat chance of that happening. Hasn’t he been into you since you’ve met him?”</p>
<p>Blaine chews on the inside of his cheek—he supposes Sam’s not wrong about that. It’s just…all the lines that he put into place to protect himself are getting beyond blurred. Friends, more than friends, lovers, boyfriends; he has no idea where they sit anymore. He’s getting too caught up in whether it matters.</p>
<p>He lets out a slow breath, glad that he has someone like Sam to talk to. His parents and even Mr. Schue when they learned he was friends with Sebastian again tried to have a talk with him to make sure he was making the right decisions after everything that had happened. His teacher was concerned with whether Blaine was going to leave to join the Warblers again more than anything else.</p>
<p>At least Sam humors but trusts his choices at the same time.</p>
<p>“Still, I… I want to make sure he knows how I feel, be on the same page.”</p>
<p>“You’re not going to sing to him, are you?” Sam asks, nearly stepping on his foot.</p>
<p>Blaine just barely gets out of the way and his cheeks turn a soft shade of red because he wasn’t…exactly <em>not </em>thinking that. “No, course not. I wouldn’t do that.”</p>
<p>Sam snorts and shoves his shoulder, making him tumble into Marley and the domino effect almost sends them to the floor. Blaine reaches out a hand and steadies her, squeezing her wrist with an embarrassed smile.</p>
<p>“Sam and Blaine, concentrate back there.” Mr. Schue scolds gently and Blaine has half a mind to smack Sam up the back of his head.</p>
<p>But his friend is smiling at him and Blaine can’t help but mirror the look back, knowing that this is just the advice he needs to move things forward.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Blaine has the most honest intentions to tell Sebastian how he feels until the universe creates a ripple effect that shakes the ground beneath him.</p>
<p>Even when he thinks back on it, he knows that everything happened relatively fast even though it only plays out in his mind in slow motion. He’s early to glee club and he gets a phone call; usually he doesn’t pay attention to calls when a class is starting but it’s his mother so Mr. Schue lets him take it. His entire body goes rigid as he stands outside the classroom and he can barely speak he’s so panicked when he asks his mother to repeat herself.</p>
<p>Tina is about to turn into the classroom when she gets a good look at his face, her hand quickly settling on his back even though he can’t hear what she’s saying. He’s concentrating too hard on his mother telling him for the third time that his father has had a heart attack and that she’s leaving the hospital to pick him up from school.</p>
<p>He barely chokes out the word ‘okay’ and all he can do is turn into Tina and hold onto her so that his legs don’t buckle out from under him. She smells like peonies and her hair tickles his face but he can’t seem to let her go, even when he feels another hand on his back and Sam’s voice in his ear.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Sebastian texts and calls him, leaving messages about meeting at Dalton for coffee or the Lima Bean to do schoolwork. Blaine wants to reach out to him, to message him back but an overwhelming sense of exhaustion sits heavily in his bones. He can’t find it in himself to do it, all of his concentration making its way to the hospital every day to see his father.</p>
<p>It feels like the entire universe is pulling him through a black hole. He wants to be able to tell Sebastian how he feels, wants to assure him that he doesn’t regret that night after <em>Grease, </em>that he wants them to be something more but he doesn’t know how. It’s a long conversation that he doesn’t have the energy for.</p>
<p>Eventually he sends a text that sounds a little clipped: <em>I just can’t do this with you right now. </em></p>
<p>And doesn’t get a message back.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Blaine takes a long sip of water from his water bottle as he pushes the doors to the gym open that lead into the school parking lot. His hair is a little damp from sweat, curls unruly against his ears and forehead from a much-needed boxing session but he doesn’t feel like showering here. He can go home, shower, change his clothes and head to the hospital to see his parents.</p>
<p>Doctors have been tending to his father non-stop but it’s not like the medical shows on TV—no one seems to know anything, testing a whole bunch to rule shit out and the <em>time </em>it takes just to get one solid answer. It’s driving him crazy, all this pent-up nervous energy not letting him sleep.</p>
<p>Boxing helps but it’s not a cure-all—he just wants his dad to come home.</p>
<p>He looks up as he sees someone in the corner of his eyesight, knows who it is before his vision even focuses. Sebastian in that tell-tale blazer, hands in his pockets as he leans up and off his car to approach him. Seeing him punches a hole straight in the middle of his chest and he suddenly wants nothing more than to crack wide open, spill out onto the cement of the parking lot, tell him what’s wrong.</p>
<p>And yet something slams down onto his shoulders, feels like a cinder block cracking his bones—he can’t do it, that knee-jerk reaction to push Sebastian away winning out over any other feeling.</p>
<p>“I said I couldn’t do this,” He says in passing, digging in his gym bag for his car keys.</p>
<p>“I know what you said,” Sebastian walks right with him, nearly matching his stride, “And I’m a professional at pretending things are fine when they’re not. So I can recognize it a mile away.”</p>
<p>Blaine shakes his head, “So what? You thought you’d show up and we’d fuck around in the back of your car again?” He asks, locating his keys and unlocking his car. He throws the bag into his trunk before turning to look at him.</p>
<p>He has no idea why he’s trying to cheapen that moment between them—it was anything <em>but </em>that and he knows it. And yet…there’s this skittering underneath his skin prompting him to take the progress he’s made with Sebastian and tear it apart with his hands.</p>
<p>What’s worse is that Sebastian can see right through him, as he’s always been able to do.</p>
<p>“Don’t do that.”</p>
<p>“Don’t do what?” Blaine prompts, “Didn’t you get what you wanted? Me coming apart in your hands?” That’s a low blow, they both know it, and yet he can’t stop himself from saying it.</p>
<p>Sebastian holds his gaze for a long moment before looking away, rolling back on his heels. Blaine thinks he has him, that he’s said just the wrong thing to hurt him so he leaves.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you just tell me what’s wrong?”</p>
<p>And he can’t. He canthe can’thecan’t he can’t.</p>
<p>“Just…please, leave me alone.” Blaine mumbles, pushing past him to get into his car.</p>
<p>Despite his entire body screaming to do the opposite, he starts the engine and drives out of the parking lot.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Days pass or maybe it’s a week, he’s not even sure anymore. His mom tries to keep him from visiting, to have him go to school and come home like nothing’s wrong but he can’t do that. He also doesn’t want her to go through this alone.</p>
<p>Doctors manage to keep his father stable but his heart isn’t in the best condition and they keep extending the time they want him to stay for observation.</p>
<p><em>The widow-maker </em>keeps repeating over and over in Blaine’s mind as he sits in uncomfortable, plastic waiting chairs that smell like lemon disinfectant. That’s what the doctors told him and his mother, almost ninety percent blockage in one of his arties, capable of stopping the heart incredibly fast with no chance of recovery.</p>
<p>Blaine buries his face in his hands and turns his phone off when it won’t stop vibrating, his fingers beginning to shake as he thinks about how fast things happen—how close he got to losing his father in the blink of an eye.</p>
<p>His mother is somehow taking it a lot better than him but then again, he’s not surprised by how strong she is. Decorating her husband’s room and keeping him busy, distracting him from the fact that he has to stay in the hospital for longer periods of time to make sure he leaves this place alive.</p>
<p>Blaine’s been living on terrible cafeteria food and burnt coffee from a vending machine these past few days, not going to school or entertaining his friends when they try and visit him and offer support. He’s dug himself into a hole and he can’t figure a way out.</p>
<p>Blaine looks up as his mother sits down next to him, replacing his cup of coffee with orange juice in a bottle and that’s already more appetizing. She offers him a small smile, her hand coming down to squeeze his knee,</p>
<p>“Why is it that your friends haven’t been by?”</p>
<p>Blaine swallows and unscrews the lid on the juice, “They’ve tried, I just…can’t see them right now.”</p>
<p>She hums softly, glancing into his father’s room where he’s watching SVU. “Is that why I haven’t seen Sebastian either?” Blaine closes his eyes, “You haven’t told him?”</p>
<p>He shifts in his seat, taking a long sip of orange juice so he doesn’t have to say anything. “Sebastian’s busy. He’s got school and the Warblers and we’re…I don’t even know what we are, I just can’t <em>handle </em>dealing with it all right now.”</p>
<p>His mother’s arm stretches across his shoulders and she pulls him close, pressing a kiss to his forehead that he feels himself melting into. “If you don’t want the entirety of New Directions in here, I can understand. Because if one of them come, they all come.”</p>
<p>A watery smile wobbles Blaine’s lips and he sniffles, wiping his face with the back of his one wrists.</p>
<p>“But you need someone and that doesn’t make you weak,” She says gently, tipping his chin so she can run her one hand through his messy curls. “I know he’s hurt you in the past and you’re afraid. But sometimes letting someone in is the bravest thing you can do.”</p>
<p>And maybe, at his core, <em>that’s </em>what it’s all about. Because the last time he let Sebastian in, their relationship was ruined with jealousy, betrayal and the sting of red dye and rock salt. What if…he takes another chance and it’s destroyed all over again? He can picture Kurt with his arms crossed in his mind’s eye, giving him a look of pity that says <em>I told you so. </em></p>
<p>Her hand rubs up and down his back before she stands and makes her way back into his father’s room. Blaine swallows, digging his phone out of his pocket and holding his breath as he taps Sebastian’s name in his text messages when the device turns back on.</p>
<p><strong>Blaine Anderson (6:00 PM):</strong> I’m sorry, I’ve been all over the place and I didn’t mean the things I said. To mess stuff up. Can I explain?</p>
<p>He watches the notification blip a few times that Sebastian is typing, before:</p>
<p><strong>Sebastian Smythe (6:02 PM)</strong>: I wrote the book on fucking things up, Anderson. Drop a pin, I’ll come see you.</p>
<p>And Blaine does just that.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Blaine makes his way towards the front entrance of the hospital and steps outside to where there are a few benches to wait for Sebastian. He sits down and runs a hand through his hair, taking a deep, slow breath into his lungs as the cooler night air brings a little comfort. It’s incredibly stifling in the hallways and in his father’s room. Even though he’s with his mother, being without someone to hold his hand makes him feel more antsy than usual.</p>
<p>He checks his phone for Sebastian’s location but he hears his name called towards the right and that draws his attention away. Standing from the bench fast enough to make him dizzy, he sees <em>Kurt </em>approaching him from the parking lot.</p>
<p>“What are you…” Kurt reaches for him instantly, his hands coming down onto his arms. He’s too surprised to pull away, eyebrows scrunching together. “What are you doing here?”</p>
<p>“Your mom was asking for prayers on Facebook for your dad and…I know how we left things but I didn’t want you to be alone,” And there’s a certain familiar comfort to that, something Kurt’s always been able to bring him. “I still care about you.”</p>
<p>Blaine swallows, taking a gentle step back out of his embrace. It’s not that this doesn’t mean something, it does, did he really get a flight back just to be here for him? But he’s also worried that Kurt expects a different reaction than the one he’s about to give.</p>
<p>He opens his mouth to say something but Sebastian’s voice breaks through the tension like glass shattering. “But he’s not alone.”</p>
<p>Blaine turns to look at him, Sebastian sticking his one hand in the pocket of his blue jeans. He’s got on a white t-shirt and a soft maroon cardigan, offering him a gentle head nod before his eyes fall onto Kurt. The demeanor shift is almost palpable, a familiar smirk telling Blaine he’s enjoying this <em>way </em>too much even though nothing has been said yet.</p>
<p>Because for once, he knows he has the upper hand.</p>
<p>Kurt straightens his back, his lips nearly curling as he says, “What’s he doing here?”</p>
<p>Blaine shakes his head, suddenly tired. Sebastian takes another step forward, closer to where he’s standing to address Kurt, “<em>I </em>was invited, not sure the same can be said about you.”</p>
<p>He can feel the conversation beginning to slip out from underneath him, like someone yanking at a rug, even when Kurt motions to the front entrance of the hospital, “You see this building? Might want to familiarize yourself with it because this is where Blaine ended up when you threw rock salt into his <em>eye.” </em></p>
<p>Blaine tips his head back, a soft noise of frustration leaving his lips and he has to put a hand on Sebastian’s arm because the Warbler looks ready to <em>throttle </em>Kurt at the statement. “I’m surprised you showed up at all, Kurt, seeing as how you don’t know what supporting Blaine really looks like.”</p>
<p>The reality crashes down onto him like a bucket of ice water and Blaine steps in-between both boys, facing Sebastian as he puts a hand on his chest.</p>
<p>“That’s <em>enough.” </em>He snaps, not even willing to put up with this on his best day. “I appreciate that both of you are here but if you can’t tolerate one another for longer than ten minutes then I want you <em>both</em> to leave.” His voice breaks on the last part of his sentence, his breathing a little uneven as he bites down on his lower lip so it doesn’t wobble.</p>
<p>He quickly wipes the one side of his face before tears can roll down his cheek and Sebastian seems to physically deflate at seeing Blaine upset. He nods his head once, holding onto Kurt’s gaze to make sure they’re on the same page before gently putting his hand on Blaine’s lower back.</p>
<p>His thumb begins to work circles as the shorter turns to Kurt, wrapping his arms around himself, “I hope you’ll still decide to come in? I’m sure my parents would like to see you.”</p>
<p>“Of course,” Kurt says gently, trying to offer a small smile that he doesn’t feel but Blaine appreciates the gesture nonetheless and they all make their way inside.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>A few hours pass without the hospital imploding from Sebastian and Kurt being in the same room, so he figures that’s something. His mom and dad catch up with his ex like they’re old friends, talking about NYADA and what Kurt’s plans are for his future. Blaine watches quietly from a seat near his dad’s feet, Sebastian standing nearby like a solid wall of comfort.</p>
<p>He knows it has to be unpleasant for him to be there while his parents talk to Kurt, that he has to feel like an outsider because being nice is <em>new </em>for Sebastian and still has yet to become one of his strong suits. He leans down and asks Blaine if he wants a cup of coffee, to which he nods and follows him out of his dad’s room to get some.</p>
<p>Blaine’s quiet as they walk down the hallway towards the cafeteria, needing to forgo the vending machine because it always tastes like burnt powder. He pauses right before the walk in, Sebastian turning when he realizes he’s stopped.</p>
<p>He looks at him expectantly, straightening his shoulders as he waits for Blaine to say something. Blaine swallows, knowing that Sebastian’s always operated better with touch anyways so he leans up and presses a soft kiss to his lips.</p>
<p>The taller wraps his arms around Blaine’s waist, pulling him close and keeping him there. The kiss ends gradually, Sebastian taking his time to plant one on the bridge of his nose and forehead afterwards.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” He whispers, his voice soft against Sebastian’s skin. Blaine looks up at him as he leans back, hazel eyes tracing along the freckles sitting on the other’s cheekbones. “I didn’t mean to push you away.”</p>
<p>“Are you serious?” Sebastian asks, motioning a little with his hand. “Look at where we are, you don’t have to explain.</p>
<p>“I <em>do,” </em>Blaine insists, moving a little more towards the side so they’re not blocking the entrance to the cafeteria. “I think I’ve always kind of felt this way but…being with you is like standing directly on the edge of trying not slip into quicksand. I had just broken up with Kurt and you were…you were <em>there.” </em></p>
<p>Sebastian dips chin and doesn’t meet his gaze, his hands resting loosely on Blaine’s hips. One of his thumbs trace back and forth in a comforting pattern.</p>
<p>Blaine wasn’t lying when he texted that he feels like he’s all over the place. So many emotions that pent up from a long time ago that he didn’t know were still there mixing with something <em>new, </em>exciting and equally terrifying. He thought he could repair this relationship by being friends but now he’s convinced that they can’t be just one thing.</p>
<p>“But being with you…feels like something I didn’t know was missing.” Blaine settles his hand on one of Sebastian’s, their fingers effortlessly lacing together. “Sometimes I do this thing where I talk myself out of something that I want because I’m worried I’m being selfish.”</p>
<p>Sebastian rolls his eyes, squeezing his fingertips, “If anything, you’re never selfish <em>enough</em>.”</p>
<p>He smiles a little, licking his lips. “I just didn’t want you to think that I regretted anything that’s happened between us. Even at McKinley with those things I said.”</p>
<p>Sebastian hums and draws him back into his chest again, Blaine wrapping his arms around the taller’s waist. One of his hands sneaks up his cardigan to feel the solid, warm skin of his back.</p>
<p>“You were hurting, I don’t hold it against you.” Sebastian brushes his mouth along his hairline. And then: “It’s a really good thing that I didn’t have sex with Hunter when he asked while you had me on radio silent.”</p>
<p>The teasing catches Blaine off guard for a moment, a laugh sneaking up his chest before he rests his forehead against Sebastian’s lips, nose brushing underneath his jawline.</p>
<p>“I’m really glad you’re here.” He whispers, fingers playing with one of the buttons of Sebastian’s cardigan.</p>
<p>Sebastian’s hands squeeze his arms and he manages to pull him back just slightly so he can look down at him, “Well that’s what good friends are for right?” The joke wraps around his words, a soft mischief in the moss green of his eyes. “Just curious, do you fool around with <em>all </em>your friends in the backseat of a car? Like with the blonde dude with the big mouth, what <em>is </em>his name—”</p>
<p>Blaine huffs out a noise, smiling despite his annoyance as he pushes Sebastian away at the same time he grabs onto his hand again to tug him into the cafeteria, “Yeah, <em>yeah</em>, I get it.”</p>
<p>“You’re the one who wanted to insist on the whole friend thing, I’m just holding you true to your word.”</p>
<p>“I’m pretty sure you’re the liar here mister ‘being friends is all I want’,” Blaine looks over his shoulder, “So, careful, or I’ll change my mind about this ‘boyfriend’ concept.”</p>
<p>But he knows the moment Sebastian leans forward to capture his lips that he won’t.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>It’s late when Kurt decides to leave the hospital and as Blaine walks him back out to the parking lot, there’s a soft warmth building up in his chest that he <em>came </em>regardless of how rough they had left things.</p>
<p>“I hope you don’t feel like you wasted the trip.” Blaine says, “Especially since you were just visiting not too long ago.”</p>
<p>Kurt shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. “No, my dad will take any time that he can have me and he lent me his car to drive here, so.” He chews on his lower lip, considering a few words before he says them, “And you know I’ll be here whenever you need. For anything.”</p>
<p>Blaine swallows down a lump beginning in his throat and he nods, looking at his shoes so he doesn’t do something stupid like cry. “I know,” His voice sounds a little more pinched than he wants it to, “Same for you. Really.”</p>
<p>His ex glances inside the hospital before he fixes Blaine with a long look, taking a short breath into his lungs and rocks forward on his toes. “I don’t…even want to try and <em>begin </em>to understand what’s going on with you and Sebastian…”</p>
<p>Blaine rubs the back of his neck, too emotionally exhausted to argue about this, “Kurt—”</p>
<p>“Let me finish,” He says quickly and he straightens his shoulders like he has to gather up the nerve to get it out, “But there’s always been something between you two, even when you said there wasn’t. It was obvious. I will <em>never </em>forgive him for what he did to you but…if you’re…if you’re happy…”</p>
<p>He nods his head softly, urging Kurt to continue,</p>
<p>“Then I trust that. We’re all capable of changing; you and I aren’t who we once were and maybe Sebastian isn’t either.”</p>
<p>Blaine steps forward and hugs Kurt tightly, arms winding around his shoulders. It takes a moment for Kurt to hug him back but his hands eventually rub up and down his spine, squeezing him before they naturally pull away.</p>
<p>Kurt smiles, something warm and familiar as he cups Blaine’s cheek to wipe away a tear track. “Call me about your dad, okay?”</p>
<p>Blaine sniffles, “I will.” And watches him walk back through the parking lot to his car.</p>
<p>He wraps his arms around himself, not taking his eyes off Kurt until he’s driven out of the parking lot. He feels Sebastian come up behind him, his maroon sweater gently draped across his frame. He smiles softly and works his arms through the sleeves, looking up at him.</p>
<p>“I’m disappointed Kurt didn’t want to say goodbye to me.”</p>
<p>Blaine shakes his head, wiping his cheeks with the sleeves of Sebastian’s sweater. “I think saying ‘hello’ was more than enough for the both of you.”</p>
<p>Sebastian hums, taking his car keys out of his pocket. “Your mom wants me to drive you home. She said she’s staying until visiting hours end.”</p>
<p>As much as he wants to be there for her, he can feel the distinct pull of fatigue in his bones. He pinches the bridge of his nose, Sebastian’s hand pressing into his lower back to guide him towards the car. Blaine lets him, settling into the passenger seat and resting his head back as he tries to stifle a yawn.</p>
<p>Sebastian starts the car, the drive quiet for a few moments as he pulls out of the parking lot. “Your parents really like Kurt.”</p>
<p>Blaine turns his head to look at him, eyes following the profile of his face, “They’ll like you too, eventually. Just give them a chance.”</p>
<p>Sebastian smiles a little, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel, “I’m not too great with parents. Never really had to worry about them before.”</p>
<p>“Then how do you know you’re not good at it?” He throws back before something dawns on him and he lifts his head, “Sebastian, am I your first boyfriend?”</p>
<p>The taller scoffs out a sound as he turns the car, “What do you want, an award?”</p>
<p>Blaine grins and leans over the center console to kiss his cheek, Sebastian making a soft squawking noise because <em>I’m driving! </em>but he can’t quite help himself. The taller rolls his eyes at Blaine’s display of affection but he can see the corners of his mouth quirk in spite of himself.</p>
<p>“I dunno why this is so shocking to you. The day we met I told you that me and the love of my life met at Scandals and then broke up twenty minutes later.”</p>
<p>Blaine shakes his head, amusement filling his chest with tiny butterflies that flutter their wings against his ribcage. He supposes Sebastian has a point, this shouldn’t be surprising in the least…but it’s <em>nice </em>in a way, that this is so new for him. That Blaine’s the one encouraging this movement forward. Because he knows Sebastian; knows that he’s giving up pieces of his mask, pieces of who he claims to be just to have a relationship with him.  </p>
<p>“I can’t promise I’ll be any good at it.” Sebastian says after a moment, turning to give Blaine a brief look before focusing back on the road. “I don’t know the first thing about being someone’s boyfriend.”</p>
<p>Blaine settles into his seat again, “That’s okay,” He replies, his words mirroring a similar conversation they had about friendship. “I do, we can figure it out together.” Because regardless of it being messy or complicated, this is at least something Blaine completely and selfishly <em>wants. </em></p>
<p>Sebastian smiles at him, his hand lifting off the steering wheel to hold Blaine’s in his lap as he drives him home, a promise hanging in the air between them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. the bravest thing (epilogue)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>well this is it! thank you to everyone who gave this story a chance. special shout out to everyone who reviewed every chapter and left kudos. you guys are the real seblaine MVPs xoxo hope you enjoy how it all ends!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 6: the bravest thing (epilogue)</strong>
</p>
<p>Blaine carefully turns down the hallway towards his bedroom, balancing a tray of three mugs filled with hot chocolate. Sam gets up from the floor to help him so he doesn’t spill anything and Blaine smiles as he takes his mug (extra marshmallows) and he reaches to hand Tina hers (extra chocolate) on his bed. He puts the tray down, his palm wrapping around the warm ceramic as he brings it up to his lips for a slow sip, settling down next to Tina on his comforter.</p>
<p>“Thanks for coming,” Blaine says as Sam moves to sit on the cushioned bench near Tina’s legs at the bottom of his bed. “I know I’ve kinda been radio silent since everything with my dad.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, would it have killed you to message us so we knew you were okay?” Tina asks, lips against the rim of her cup and Sam gives her shins a pointed shove.</p>
<p>“Hey!” She snaps, righting herself so that the hot chocolate doesn’t spill everywhere and Blaine leans up from the headboard, using one of his hands to motion ‘calm’ before they get into it with one another.</p>
<p>“No, she’s right, I kind of pushed everyone away.”</p>
<p>Sam raises an eyebrow and Blaine knows what he’s about to say before he infers it, “Even…?”</p>
<p>He clears his throat and nods, bringing his leg up and under himself. He balances his cup of cocoa near his ankle. He can feel Tina’s eyes follow the silent conversation, gaze settling on Sam before they eventually bore into the side of Blaine’s head.</p>
<p>“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”</p>
<p>He rubs the back of his neck because he <em>knows </em>that she’s heard the gossip by now, either directly from Sam or indirectly from New Directions. A whirlpool of guilt starts in his stomach, knowing that she’s only really asking this question because he never took the time to tell her what was going on in his life but— all his excuses are drying up on the tip of his tongue. He <em>was </em>busy and everything was so complicated. Sam was just…<em>there </em>when he decided he wanted to talk about things as they happened.</p>
<p>“Sebastian and I are dating,” He says carefully after a few moments, pausing to take a sip of his drink. “Like, for real.”</p>
<p>Sam grins and reaches over to squeeze his knee, “Dude, that’s awesome. You didn’t sing did you?”</p>
<p>Blaine opens his mouth to reply when Tina huffs, curling her hair around her ear, “You and the other <em>Warbler, </em>I had no idea—what a turn of events.” She says wryly.</p>
<p>He lets out a long patient sigh, turning a little so he can face her more properly, “Tina, I wasn’t <em>trying </em>to keep this from you. It just all happened really fast. And you know your opinion matters to me,” He takes one of her hands off her mug and squeezes her fingers, “Okay?”</p>
<p>Blaine can tell that he’s beginning to melt some of the ice between them, her gaze soft and her eyes warm as she nods her head gently. Then Sam comes in with a, “She’s probably just jealous she’s not the one you’re making out with.”</p>
<p>And Tina’s mouth opens <em>wide </em>and her cheeks flush a pretty embarrassed pink, a chuckle choking Blaine’s throat as she hits Sam with a pillow. Luckily, there are no hot chocolate casualties as she mumbles, “That was just a phase,” under her breath.</p>
<p>Blaine settles into the warmth his two best friends provide, putting down his hot chocolate onto his nightstand, “I’m just really glad that you guys respect my decision and…validate my feelings in wanting to see where this thing with Sebastian goes.”</p>
<p>Sam mirrors Blaine’s movements, setting his hot chocolate down before shrugging his one shoulder. “Yeah sure man, to whatever you just said, we care about you.”</p>
<p>Tina rolls her eyes, taking a long sip of her own cocoa and puts the mug down on another table. “That’s <em>literally</em> just what came out of his mouth.”</p>
<p>Sam blinks and then smiles a little sheepishly, “Oh.”</p>
<p>“Course we got your back Blainey Days,” Tina turns a little on her side to look at him and he scrunches his nose in affection at the nickname, “And you always got us, no matter what.”</p>
<p>Something warm bubbles in Blaine’s chest at the admission and he reaches his arm around her shoulders, drawing her into him. She laughs softly and melts, her arm slipping around his middle to squeeze. Sam mumbles something about not being left out of the action and before Blaine knows it, his blonde friend is pushing himself onto the bed and wrapping his arms around them both.</p>
<p>Blaine can feel their breathing against him, Tina’s hair tickling his nose and Sam’s knee pressing uncomfortably into his shin, but he finds he loves the feeling of being smothered—and wouldn’t have it any other way.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Blaine lets out a slow breath as he works his way backstage, knowing Dalton like the back of his hand. It’s funny, almost, because he was never this anxious when the New Directions had sectionals. Now he’s a wound-up bundle of nerves thinking about the Warblers about to do the same thing.</p>
<p>His sectionals had gone great, they won and were moving onto the next round, which was always a nice feeling—him and Marley singing as leads were a nice pairing of voices. He was worried that her vocal range wasn’t as extensive as Rachel’s but they complimented one another and pulled New Directions across the finish line. They celebrated at Breadstix afterwards and Sebastian came to join them, the uncomfortable push and pull between his friends and his boyfriend dissipating thanks to Sam and Tina embracing the chaos.</p>
<p>Blaine doesn’t remember a moment being <em>that </em>happy, sandwiched between Sam and Sebastian in a tiny booth, holding his boyfriend’s hand under the table while Sam attempted to flirt with the waitress by doing impressions.</p>
<p>He rounds a curtain to see the Warblers warming up, Sebastian stretching his arms as he talks to Nick and Hunter notices him first because he spits out the word <em>spy </em>so loud that his ears are ringing. He puts his hands up in an innocent gesture, smiling at the group of guys that he still calls his friends,</p>
<p>“I’m just here to offer my support! I’m not even Blaine from New Directions tonight, I’m just regular, old Blaine.” He says by way of explanation but everyone’s already reaching forward to say hi to him, offering hugs and claps on the back to say that they’ve missed him.</p>
<p>And Blaine’s really missed them too and tries not to be too much of a distraction as they finish their warming up.</p>
<p>“Dalton legend or not, I’ll have you thrown out on your ass if I learn you’re stealing secrets.” Hunter tuts as Blaine turns to look at him.</p>
<p>His eyes nearly roll back into his head and he bites down on his tongue, hard, to stop himself from saying something about how the Warbler secrets are practically <em>his own </em>since he’s been with them for so long. But he looks down at his feet instead as Sebastian takes a few steps towards him,</p>
<p>“How are your feet, Hunter?” There’s a second of confusion marring his handsome face before he looks <em>affronted </em>at even being spoken to. Then narrows his eyes because <em>how </em>could Blaine possibly know he’s having trouble with Trent getting into his space and stepping on his feet?</p>
<p>Sebastian snorts out an amused sound and reaches for his boyfriend, pulling him away from Hunter and to a quieter part of stage, keeping him close. Blaine smiles up at him, letting his hands rest on the lapels of his blazer, straightening them for him.</p>
<p>“I know you don’t need it but good luck for your sectionals.”</p>
<p>He rests his hand on the side of Blaine’s neck, his thumb brushing the underside of his jaw. “Are you nervous for me? You <em>sound </em>nervous.”</p>
<p>Huffing out a small sound, he shakes his head, “No of course not, I just want to make sure I’m competing against the best in the future…and I’m <em>not </em>talking about Vocal Adrenaline.”</p>
<p>A soft laugh leaves Sebastian’s lips as the Warblers are called to stage, the lights dimming slightly as a one-minute warning. “Duly noted.”</p>
<p>Hunter practically grabs Sebastian by the arm and yanks, motioning him towards the curtain. “Wish me luck, Killer.” And winks as Blaine lets go of his hand.</p>
<p>Blaine smiles gently and looks around the familiar stage, memories of a time past greeting him like an old friend. “Good luck.” He mumbles to himself as the Warblers begin harmonizing.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Not that Blaine’s surprised but the Warblers completely dominate the competition at their sectionals and he’s able to join them in the senior commons, much to Hunter’s dismay, for a little after party. They eventually sneak out, Sebastian driving him home and coming up to his bedroom to hang out a little before curfew sends him away.</p>
<p>“How’s your dad doing?” Sebastian asks as he lays on his side on Blaine’s bed, watching him put his shoes into his closet.</p>
<p>“He’s good,” Blaine undoes his bowtie, putting it in a drawer with the others. He pulls his polo out from being tucked into his jeans, pushing a few boxes that he has labeled ‘Kurt’ away from his dresser so he doesn’t trip over them. “He’s annoyed about all the heart healthy food options that he has to start on but he’s alive, so. They should be letting him come home tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure your mom is thrilled about that; she practically lives there.”</p>
<p>Blaine smiles softly and sits on the corner of his bed, curling his one leg underneath himself. “Yeah,” He glances at the time, “She’s pretty much there when visiting hours start and when they end. She’s driving him a little crazy.”</p>
<p>Sebastian’s hand reaches across the comforter, grazing their fingers together so that Blaine’s hazel eyes meet his green ones. “And you’re doing okay?”</p>
<p>He takes in a breath and lets it out slowly before he nods, “Yeah, I’m fine. Staying busy with school, New Directions and packing up some of Kurt’s things so I can send them to him.”</p>
<p>“Let me know if you need help throwing anything into a trash compactor.” He offers sweetly and Blaine rolls his eyes, moving to shove his shoulder.</p>
<p>He instantly takes advantage of the momentum and tugs on his wrist until Blaine is forced to straddle his hips when Sebastian lies down on his back. Blaine settles onto his warm body, their waists nearly lining up and he leans down to brush their lips together.</p>
<p>Sebastian nips at his lower lip, “How long until your mom gets back?”</p>
<p>“Just long enough. I mean, it seems only fair that we celebrate your Warbler win at sectionals.”</p>
<p>“Practically bad luck if we don’t.” He muses before he steals a kiss from Blaine.</p>
<p>Blaine opens his legs a little more and grinds down, a sound emptying into his mouth that causes heat to spark right above his stomach and melt lower. There’s something desperate and grabbing about their movements, not enough time to get into anything sophisticated and Sebastian seems to be on the same page as him that they’re taking things slow.</p>
<p>He’s <em>really </em>glad slow seems to entail Sebastian’s mouth because that’s apparently where this is headed as his boyfriend wraps his arms around him and flips their positions, slipping down Blaine’s body. He undoes his jeans quickly and Blaine lifts his hips so he can pull the material free, his hand reaching out to run through Sebastian’s locks.</p>
<p>“See, if <em>someone </em>wouldn’t have told me to cut my hair, you’d have something to tug on.”</p>
<p>“Shut <em>up.” </em>Blaine all but whines as Sebastian smirks, breath hot against his cock through the fabric of his boxer briefs.</p>
<p>He gasps as his mouth slips over the base of him, fingers curling in the waistband of his underwear so he can tug them down when he’s ready. Blaine’s head tips back a little, breath stuttering in his throat and this is <em>so </em>ridiculous—he needs more, so much more. Sebastian moves quickly, taking his briefs off so that he’s exposed to the cool air of his bedroom.</p>
<p>Blaine’s dick twitches at the sensation, a shiver coursing down his spine as he looks down at Sebastian who’s leaning up over him.</p>
<p>“You have too many layers on.” He says, voice a little pinched and insistent.</p>
<p>Sebastian rolls his eyes but leans up, “I can’t tell what you want. So <em>bossy,” </em>He teases, moving to stand up so he can take his grey slacks off. “You either want me between your legs or getting undressed, you can’t have both—”</p>
<p>The moment Sebastian steps out of his pants, Blaine reaches up and tugs his boyfriend back into bed by grabbing onto his Dalton tie. He yanks him down into a brief kiss, Sebastian’s mouth mapping out kisses as he once again works down his body. He wastes no time in taking Blaine’s cock into his mouth, an instantaneous guttural noise leaving his lips that makes him glad that they’re alone in the house.</p>
<p>Sebastian has his tongue do most of the work, following a vein down Blaine’s cock and paying special close attention to a sweet spot directly under his head. He has to squeeze his shoulder to warn him that if he keeps doing that, he’s not going to last long at all. And he doesn’t want Sebastian to be so far away when he cums.</p>
<p>His boyfriend moves, slipping closer and in-between his legs, their lips brushing as Sebastian’s hand wraps around his cock and Blaine mirrors the same movements. He tilts his chin up to kiss him, tasting himself on his tongue, a slow moan emptying into Sebastian’s mouth as they quickly move their wrists. Sebastian is somehow balancing himself perfectly above Blaine’s body but he can feel the muscles in his thighs and arms begin to tremble as he gets closer to the edge.</p>
<p>Blaine leans up to kiss him again, slipping his tongue inside his mouth as his thumb continuously swipes back and forth across Sebastian’s head, making his hips jerk as he cums. The reaction sends Blaine right over his own edge, a combination of noises and tangled words leaving his lips as bliss licks his nerve endings.</p>
<p>Sebastian presses his forehead against his, their breathing mingled as they share the same air for a few moments before he kisses the corner of Blaine’s mouth. He lets him pull away and clean himself up, turning on his side to watch him get dressed. His mother will be home any second if she’s not already pulling into the driveway.</p>
<p>“If that’s how winning sectionals goes, can’t imagine what it’s going to be like when we win the next round,” Sebastian says cheekily, Blaine rolling his eyes as he lazily pulls a blanket over himself.</p>
<p>His knees feel like jelly, he’s not about to get up when he’s so comfortable. “You mean when the <em>New Directions </em>win the next round, but nice try.”</p>
<p>Sebastian brushes a kiss over his forehead, running his fingers through loose curls, “I’m not going to take it easy on you just because you’re confident with a great ass.”</p>
<p>Blaine nuzzles their noses, pushing him away even though he doesn’t want to when he hears his mom walk through the front door. “I’d expect nothing less.”</p>
<p>Sebastian smiles fondly before he grabs his Dalton blazer from the bottom of his bed, Blaine’s practically asleep by the time he leaves his bedroom and gently closes his door.</p>
<p>--</p>
<p>Blaine sighs as he closes his textbook, sitting at the picnic table behind the Lima Bean. Sebastian picks up his iced coffee across from him, taking a slow, languid sip that Blaine <em>definitely </em>watches for longer than necessary.</p>
<p>He clears his throat, “Will you help me study for my French test?”</p>
<p>Sebastian’s eyebrows crinkle and turns to a fresh page in his notebook as he finishes up his notes for his science class. “I thought you were taking Spanish.”</p>
<p>“I am. I’m taking both,” He tries to explain. “Duel language enrollment looks really good on a college application.”</p>
<p>Sebastian blinks, shaking his head as he chews on the straw in his cup. “That’s ridiculous.”</p>
<p>“Come on,” Blaine pouts, “Please.”</p>
<p>“<em>Ridicule mais mignon</em>,” Sebastian mutters under his breath but reaches for the French textbook to take a look and Blaine hates that he has no idea whether he’s calling him something nice or making fun of him.</p>
<p>Sebastian spends half the time making fun of all the stock families in the French book who look far too happy to be learning a language. They get through the first few chapters when his boyfriend turns too far into the textbook and dislodges a flyer that Blaine forgot was there.</p>
<p>It flutters to the ground and Sebastian picks it up before it can blow away from the wind. He raises an eyebrow, “Cary Grant marathon at that old theater near Dalton?”</p>
<p>Blaine licks his lips, rubbing the back of his neck. “Oh…yeah. I found out about it a while ago but uh,” Kurt never wanted to go with him to those kinds of things. For some reason he was obsessed with Audrey Hepburn but any other classical movie he completely turned his nose up at. “I don’t think I’m going to go.”</p>
<p>Sebastian frowns, picking up his iced coffee again. “Why not?”</p>
<p>He shrugs his one shoulder. “It’s not really anyone’s thing.”</p>
<p>“But <em>you</em> want to go,” Sebastian prods after a moment, waiting for Blaine’s eyes to meet his own. “Don’t you?”</p>
<p>Blaine chews on his lower lip, reaching for the flyer to take another look. “I think you have lacrosse practice during this.” And he has no idea why he’s trying to talk Sebastian out of it. He guesses it’s just…he’s so used to being disappointed that it’s easier than getting his hopes up.</p>
<p>Sebastian drums his fingers on the picnic table for a minute, “I can skip it. I’m practically blowing the first captain to get plays on the field anyways.” Blaine makes a face and kicks his shin underneath the table, a sharp laugh leaving the Warbler’s mouth. “I’m <em>kidding.” </em></p>
<p>Blaine huffs out a soft sound and stuffs the flyer back in-between the pages of his textbook, Sebastian’s leg moving to press against his own so that he has his attention.</p>
<p>“I mean it though, about going? If you want to.”</p>
<p>And Blaine does. He <em>really </em>wants to so he nods his head after a moment and reaches for Sebastian’s hand on the table, lacing their fingers easily. “I’d really like that.”</p>
<p>Sebastian draws his thumb along his knuckles, “The handjob in the dark theater is completely optional.”</p>
<p>“I’m going to <em>throw </em>my coffee at you, Sebastian.”</p>
<p>His boyfriend quickly zips his lips closed even though Blaine knows that he’s joking, a smile starting to tug at the corners of his mouth as he gives his attention back to his homework. There’s a warmth that settles in his chest, blooming outward like flowers during the springtime as Sebastian absently strokes his fingers as he starts planning out Warbler routines.</p>
<p>Blaine watches his hand for a few moments, as if he wants to commit it to memory, his eyes moving up his arm and tracing the soft outlines of his body while he’s not looking. He seems so different like this sometimes; his long eyelashes fanning against his cheeks and the few freckles that are painted on his high cheekbones.</p>
<p>It’s in the quiet of their breathing and the breeze sifting through the tree nearby that he knows his mother was right; the bravest thing he could do was let Sebastian in.</p>
<p>Though ever since that moment they met again and sat at this very picnic table—he supposes it was only a matter of time.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks for reading the first chapter! i'm at blainesebastian on tumblr :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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